Ashes to Ashes
by Lorinand
Summary: "The fire has lit the sky with blood, as I turn around once more to view what I've lost." Post Blight. Will Elissa Cousland ever move on from the past that haunts her, and learn to over come her unsettling visions? Or will Alistair lose his future wife and Queen of Ferelden to her own sanity? Set before their marriage. Was a one shot yet I've now decided to turn it into a story :)
1. Run

_**Authors note: Hi everyone :) i'm new to fanfiction and this is my first attempt of writing a Dragon Age based one, involving the initial thoughts of Elissa Cousland as she flees highever with Duncan. Sorry if the grammar etc... isn't great, i**__**t's a bit short as it's my first one and i'm not sure whether to carry it on or leave it as a one shot**_

_**Hope you enjoy :) feedback is appreciated**_

_**p.s. I don't own Dragon age and it's characters sadly :(**_

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Rapid breaths were followed by a quickened pace as I flee the one place I used to call home, in turn for a new one I now seek, as I follow the grey warden Duncan…although reluctantly. The fire has lit the sky with blood, as I turn around once more to view what I've lost.

Highever, castle of the Couslands…once a happy and joyful place, where laughter was known to echo as young siblings Fergus and Elissa alongside their father Bryce spurred with wooden swords. A loud shriek followed by a scuffle and a thud as the young girl was thrown to the floor "Ouch!" Elissa squealed. "Daddy, Fergus pushed me over!"

"And do you remember what I told you?" Bryce said with a slight chuckle as he knelt beside his daughter, grasping her shoulders to bring her level with his face.

"Get up and carry on" Elissa replied.

Bryce kissed his daughters head as she moved in for a comforting hug. "That's my girl."

Now, the distant echoes of laughter were ironically silenced by the roaring fire alongside the screams of anguish as a result of Howe's treachery.

My thoughts were suddenly jolted back to reality by Duncan "Elissa, we must press onto Ostagar before it's too late."

Hesitantly I turned my back on my once happy and peaceful life amongst my precious family in exchange for an unseen future. They say 'home is where the heart is' but what if you don't have a home? If there's going to be any chance of redemption, then I must bury my heart alongside the grief and unexplainable torment of the recent images of my parents. 'Get up and carry on' I thought, as I followed Duncan's footsteps into my impending duty.

I hope Fergus still lives…


	2. The Encounter

**Author's note: So I decided to now turn this into a story :)**

**I may have changed the dialogue a little bit within the dialogue you first meet Alistair, hope you don't mind**

**Enjoy :)**

**Please review; I'm interested to know what you all think x**

I woke up gasping for air, my heart pounding against the confines of my chest. _I need air, I need to breathe_. A sudden stir on the other side of the double bed was felt alongside the kicking of sheets as Alistair turned over to face me, putting his arm around my waist with his eyes still closed. _Good, he's still asleep_. I gently placed his arm back upon the mattress, and slyly moved towards the curtains where I saw the faint hint of sunlight struggling to emerge. The red velvet was soft against the palm of my hand as I slightly moved the fabric to step upon the open balcony.

Warm rays from the sun embraced and soothed my skin as it started to rise over Ferelden. I attempted to calm down the pace of my breathing against the soft waves of the morning breeze. Who would have thought that just over a year ago I'd be standing here today? Soon to be Queen of Ferelden, married to the man I dearly love, the only one to save and revive my heart from it's dreary chasm.I would have laughed if somebody had told me that after witnessing my father's life bleed out from him whilst my mother held on for dear life and during the impending doom of the blight, which transformed my optimistic enthusiasm into a hard pessimistic view of the duty of life, survival. Yet, Alistair stirred something inside me, something new. It was like the cold hard exterior of my outer shell was melted by his pure gentleness, gradually leading towards my trust in confiding in him alongside falling in love. Funny how life works out. Yet here I am, still standing today. I just wish these flashbacks would stop haunting me…

Suddenly the feeling of hot breath started to caress my neck, as I felt two strong arms behind me pull me into a tender embrace. "What are you doing up so early my love?" Alistair mumbled against the back of my head, kissing it lightly. The vibrations from his deep voice against my skull eased my anxieties. "The flashbacks…the nightmares…they won't stop! I'm tired of them haunting me and draining my very being!" I protested, my chest started to contract as I felt the hot rush of tears run against my cheeks. I haven't cried for a long time, since leaving my parents in fact. I never allowed myself too cry, crying was weakness and it stopped me from surviving, so I bottled it up. Yet here, I knew I was slightly losing my sanity. There are only so many flashbacks I can take until they start to become so real and leave me shocked to my core. Alistair tightened his hold of me, lightly kissing my neck as he did so "I know Elissa. But these things take time. Don't give up now, look at what you've been through…you even survived the blight and killed the archdemon, now that takes some doing! That looks like a fighter and a survivor to me, so you can fight this and survive. You'll never fight on your own though, I'll always be right by your side and fighting with you, with all the love I bear".

As soon as he said that, I turned around and pressed my lips to his. Demonstrating the amount of passion and love I bear for him which words cannot express. Eventually I pulled away from him. "Hey…don't stop" Alistair said, a pout forming upon his face, he always knew how to make me giggle. "I know, I don't know where if be without you honestly. You're the one bright thing that's ever happened to me, and I truly love and appreciate you." I looked into his eyes and they softened with their warm amber glow. For a moment we just stared at each other, holding each other, words unnecessary. I broke the silence "Do you remember the first time we met?" I asked, a small smile emerging upon my lips. "How could I ever forget?" Alistair chuckled.

_A cool mist juxtaposed against the brightness radiated from the sun as I began my search for the grey warden named 'Alistair' Duncan had told me to find. "Are you up to this?" he had asked me, his eyes locking onto mine with a slight hint of concern. "Of course" I bluntly replied. "Why wouldn't I be?" My cold and strong façade emerged and started to build up, 'you are going to hopefully be a grey warden soon, thus you will have to act like one and perform your duty. What use is a grey warden blubbering like a baby when people's lives needed to be saved?' I venomously taught myself within my mind. Duncan sighed "Very well. I will leave you to your task", and with that I set off across the bridge in order to begin the process of my new duty._

_Ostagar was truly magnificent; the detail within its architecture reflected the beauty of the forest surrounding the old fortress. After asking the guard for directions I wandered towards what appeared to be a mage arguing with a solider perhaps? A Grey Warden? Perhaps this was 'Alistair'…I found myself looking at him longer than normal. I took in and observed his features: golden brown hair styled to one point…hmm must care a lot about his hair, and those warm amber eyes…I found myself allured to them, each movement causing my heart to rise in my chest…causing this peculiar feeling. Stop it! I thought. Focus on your task. I was quickly bought back to the present day after the mage he was discussing with abruptly jostled past me, causing my balance to sway "Get out of my way fool" he demanded whilst sauntering past me. I glared at the back of his head as he walked away. Dare call me a fool? I thought. I took great pleasure imagining myself jumping on him from behind and sinking the blades of my daggers into the back of his skull, squishing his tiny, putrid brain. However, I suddenly realised again I was daydreaming, and remembered there was actually someone behind me I needed to talk too._

"_You know, one good thing about the blight is how it brings people together" and with that I turned around, the smug look upon my face from envisioning fatally injuring the mage stiffened. My mouth went tight…images of my parents corpses engulfed within a pool of blood and bile flashed across my mind. "I know exactly what you mean." A sarcastic tone arose to the surface of my statement. Or it does the exact opposite, I thought. He must have noticed my distant look, as he nervously chuckled. His eyes began scanning my body hesitantly, his hands clenching, making his nerves visible, cute. At last he broke the silence "Wait, we haven't met, have we? I don't suppose you happen to be another mage?" his eyes widened, taking a step back._"_Would that make your day worse?" I winked…oh Maker did I really just attempt flirting with him? Pull yourself together woman! His cheeks reddened and again he nervously chuckled, his face suddenly came to realisation as if a light switched in his head "Oh wait I do know you, you're the new recruit Duncan mentioned. I should have recognised you right away, I apologise." I smiled, only at least to make him relax a bit. His shoulders slightly released their tension as he carried on "As the junior member of the order, I'll be accompanying you when you prepare for the Joining. Ok Elissa, just breathe and attempt your best effort at people skills "Pleased to meet you. My name is Elissa" We shook hands, the touch instantly sent shivers down my spine. His palm fit perfectly against mine and I was content with the way it felt. We both looked at each other, both of us taking in one another's facial features. We both pulled away hesitantly. A slight silent protest within my mind. We must have been shaking hands for more than the time acceptable for a normal handshake. "You know... it just occurred to me that there have never been many women in the Grey Wardens. I wonder why that is?"__I rolled my eyes, the automatic wall I had built reinstated its place "I can handle myself better than most" my once flirtatious voice now void of emotion._ "_Um…well I don't doubt that. I meant no disrespect. I apologise".__I pondered…was this man too good to be true?_ _He sighed "I've only just met you and I've already apologised twice."_ _A smile resurfaced upon my face again. He noticed, and slight small grin quickly flashed upon his lips before he relaxed again "Well we best be off, we don't want to keep Duncan waiting" and with that, he started to lead the way. As much as a tried fighting my emotions, I couldn't help looking forward to travelling with him…_

"Your attempt at flirting was rather amusing" Alistair laughed, the same grin as before. I thumped his chest, my cheeks reddening "Stop embarrassing me." I mumbled, averting my gaze to the floor. "Me? Embarrass you dear lady? Perish the thought!" He chuckled, placing his hand under my chin as he lifted my face up towards him "I would love to stay in your arms all day, but unfortunately I must get changed and head out to embrace my duties, being King and all…" "Aw such a shame…" I winked, my eyes taking in his sculpted torso alongside the warm glow of his skin. "There will be more time for that later" Alistair chuckled, placing his hands upon my face whilst gently kissing my forehead. I sighed in contentment. "I will see you later today I promise…future Queen of Ferelden" His grin grew even wider, and before I knew it he was gone.

I turned back towards the view of Ferelden, appreciating as much of the warmth of the sun as I could before it disappeared. Because, you know Ferelden, wasn't exactly known for its nice weather. My thoughts mulled over his words 'Future Queen of Ferelden' no pressure then I suppose. Damn! I just remembered, I have my wedding dress fitting with Leliana and the tailor from Orlais she was bringing over soon today. I rushed back inside the bed chamber and quickly started to get changed. I put on the first thing I could find, a red day dress with gold embroidery, that should do it I thought, first impressions count…not too formal yet not too casual.

After that was sorted I moved towards my dressing table and sat in front of its mirror, adjusting my hair appropriate to be seen in public. My mind's subconscious wondered…a sad, yet appreciative smile was formed by my mouth. My eyes scanned the dressing table that used to belong to my mother…silver, with delicate stems travelling along the mirrors frame, blossoming into beautiful Lilies. As a child I'd sit upon the stall, and admire the delicate engraving of the flowers whilst mother gently brushed my hair. I would begin to wonder what it would be like to live in one of those flowers, and the great adventures I'd have. Yet, that's all disappeared now…I put the hairbrush back onto the table and noticed a hand on my shoulder. Looking up, I saw her stand behind me, tenderly gazing upon me. "I wish you were here mother" I said sorrowfully as I looked into her eyes. A small tear ran from her eyes and I turned around to hug her, yet she was gone.

Will these visions ever stop haunting me…?


	3. Distance

**Author's note: Sorry about this chapter folks…had a bit of a mind block. **

**Warning: contains mild references to gore, if you're squeamish I would advise skipping the gruesome parts, I don't find them that gruesome to be honest actually but everyone has different preferences…you have been warned :P**

I always loved dressing up, especially during the special occasions and parties every other noble would throw…for no particular reason. Father said they were attempts to show off their wealth and rub it in everyone's faces, all in order to establish their power within their social status and the society that encircled it, causing jealousy amongst peers. I think that's why we were so liked, the Couslands, we were known for our fair hand and the just use of the power within our position of authority, never seeking to cause jealousy and intimidation against others, only throwing celebrations when cause for one.

However, they allowed me to try on the variety of extravagant dresses mother had got tailored for me. One particular favourite of mine was for Fergus' seventeenth birthday. The material was silk, consisting of a pale pink colour that cinched in my waist due to its corset, yet flowed outwards towards the floor, cascading down my legs, comfortable enough for me to move in. Mother had said it went very well with my sun kissed brown hair, complementing my green eyes. As I turned around in front of the flattering glass it flew outwards, I actually felt pretty for once. I had always loved dresses, 'my split personality' as my mother would call it. "_You know Elissa, for a girl who enjoys sparring against boys with wooden swords and getting your hands dirty due to being thrown within the mud, one would never expect this out of you." _

I laughed at the memory, she was right, who would have thought that a girl who appeared to be the most efficient tomboy would take pleasure in dressing up?

"Ow! Was that really necessary!?" I shrieked as a rather uncomfortable stabbing pain was felt upon my ribs.

"I'm so sorry mademoiselle, but I'm just roughly sewing the dress together to get an overall idea of what the finishing product may appear to be" the Orlesian dress maker replied. Funny, his accent didn't really sound like it originated from Orlais. His shoulder length black hair was tied back into a ponytail adorned with an emerald bow, accompanied by a rather amusing moustache on his face that was obviously well groomed, sharp and to the point.

Hmph. I was getting rather impatient, my stomach growled with hunger alongside the tailor's strong scented trail of perfume that just seemed to linger within the air. It wasn't as if it was a nice smell either, its odour was musky and very much in your face, must be making up for something I chuckled to myself. I must have been standing for over two hours by now, and a stool really? "Why must I stand on a stool? It's making me feel very conscious; I don't want everyone to see me". I felt like a rigid statue, waiting for people to gather and stare at me or worse…for a pigeon to crap on me. Gosh I missed Shale. If this is what it slightly felt like to be a Golem then I didn't envy her. "Also, how come your accent isn't as strong as Leliana's, seeing as she's from Orlais too?"

"It's so Mr Prétentieux is able to position and adjust the bottom of your dress more easily. You wouldn't want to have a sore back from crouching for hours would you?" Leliana snapped. "Besides, we're in a private meeting room with guards stationed outside the door. No one can see you or come in, particularly Alistair…now we wouldn't want that. And the question concerning his accent…"

"It is because I am very much away from Orlais most of the time. Being a renowned dress maker does have its consequences. I'm in high demand from many nobles across Thedas…I've made dresses for a variety of women each with complex preferences, journeying across Antiva, Ferelden, Orlais, The Free Marches, Kirkwall, The Tevinter Imperium etc…as a result my accent does lose its…what do you call it? Distinct characteristics of an Orlesian. I prefer it rather than being stuck in one place. That way a day is never dull." Mr Prétentieux abruptly interrupted. That's the most he's spoken for the duration of our meeting, so far our conversation consisted of a formal greeting and well…that's it really. I kind of got the impression he enjoyed doing his work in silence. He carried on sewing.

Leliana squealed with excitement. "Oh wait until you see it, I know it's only the prototype but it looks so pretty! Eeek!" The clapping of her hands bouncing off the walls and ceiling as she did so. Alistair may not be able to see us, but with the amount of noise Leliana was making from her excitement I'm sure he could hear us from across the castle! It was heart-warming to see her happy again though, after much of the devastation involved within the blight, I didn't mind so much. "There's a reason he's demanded all over Thedas, and I think that reason will be apparent when you look into the mirror and see for yourself!"

I felt Mr Prétentieux's hands move away from my body as he finished adjusting the material. "And on that note mademoiselle, the prototype is finished."

My heart started to beat faster, my anxieties rising up and making my throat swell. What if I wasn't pretty enough? What if I looked completely over the top? I don't want to make a fool out of myself, especially being the future Queen of Ferelden.

But as soon as the floor length mirror was spun around, I felt my anxious thoughts melt away…I was completely gobsmacked! Leliana was right, there was a reason he was high in demand all over Thedas. I scanned myself from head to toe. The dress was a lovely and traditional pure white silk, white as snow and soft to the touch. The upper half exposed my shoulders, with the straps sitting gently across the top of my arms. The top was cut into a v shape, but was modest; it didn't expose much of the top of my breasts. The waist was cinched in tightly, making my waist look tiny; the direct contrast to the bottom half which fanned out into an elegant ball room style. In a lot of ways it reminded me of my pink dress I wore on Fergus' birthday…

"Obviously a lot of detail will be added into the material and on top of it. For instance lace will replace the simple straps across the top half of your arms; the bottom of the dress will also be trimmed with lace, flowing out into a long train…"

Mr Prétentieux and Leliana's voices faded further and further away, as my mind was suddenly transported back in time within Fergus' seventeenth birthday celebrations. A familiar scent of wine filled my senses, the gentle sound of classical music slowly rising…lulling me to a hypnotised trance. My mind was engulfed within blackness…I now couldn't see anything.

But then…a familiar setting flashed across my subconscious…a warm fire place…making me feel at home…calling my name…_Elissa…Elissa…come home...come home where you belong._

_The Cousland great hall was alive with gossip, laughter and conversations ranging from political, to matters of who wasn't married and who looked the best, particularly amongst the women, all alongside the sounds of cheerful music. I knew that music from somewhere…as I looked across towards the stage, through the multitudes of iridescent colours of the nobles' formal attires; I saw the familiar figure of a man. He was quite a slim fellow…with blonde hair, and stubble, contrasting against the richness of his brown eyes. It was then upon seeing his eyes alongside the rest of his facial features I knew who he was. Mr Goodwin, a family friend. He wasn't someone with an important political or social status, but Father noticed something special within him, before I was born. It was one day in particular when father was taking one of his daily morning strolls amongst the castle gardens, a usual ritual which consisted of him cooling and calming down before the stress of his duties, when out of nowhere a sweet gentle hum of a violin was heard within the distance. He started to follow it out of interest, wondering where such a gentle sound could come from, so relaxing yet intense, walking across the blades of grass that fluttered against the gentle breeze, following the path of white gravel, winding down, ending at a rose bush fully in bloom. It was here he noticed the sound emanating from, and immediately peered over. What he found was something he didn't expect, a young boy dressed within rags stained with the dirt and natural pollution of the world appearing to play an exquisite professional violin. Father didn't go into detail what had happened to him or why he was there, but all I know was that his father was a violin maker, and that very violin he gave to his son right before he passed away and he consequently was made an orphan. I think due to my mother recently giving birth to Fergus father took pity on him, and offered a him within our families band of musicians, housing and food all required. That's what I admired about my father. No matter what status, race, gender or how wealthy or poor you were, he always showed everyone an equal amount of kindness._

_Mr Goodwin noticed me and smiled, here to this very day he was there, playing his violin with the rest of the band. I waved back from the other side of the floor, growing up I'd always dance to his music; I don't know what I'd do without it. My eyes looked up towards the ceiling, admiring all of its decorations, banners ranging from blues, green and whites complementing our family crest. Candles tied to the wooden beams which gave them a magical quality, as if they were floating in mid-air, the bright orange flames bouncing against the movement of everybody dancing. _

_A tender tapping against my shoulder suddenly brought me out of my admiration, spinning around I noticed Dairren standing before me, smiling. "May I have this dance m'lady?" He sweetly enquired. I nodded, taking his hand, blushing as I did so._

_We took to the floor, and commenced our dancing. His hand placed upon my back, I didn't know how to react, and I've never been this close to a boy before, apart from sparring. I felt it moving further down, and felt everyone's eyes on the two of us, now noticing that everyone had taken to the side of the floor, encircling and observing us. The tempo of the music was increasing, as our dancing became faster and faster, I began feeling sick to my stomach as Dairren kept on spinning me faster and faster each time the music quickened. "Dairren…please…stop." I barely managed to voice. On my plea it was then he released me hand, and sent me crashing towards the floor face first. Well this was embarrassing I thought as I struggled to get back onto my feet. I was not happy, my dress had ripped and I was about to let Dairren know my outrage at his actions until I noticed the music had stopped. The crowd that encircled us stopped dead in their tracks, their eyes void of emotion and life, transfixed upon my gaze. I turned to look at Mr Goodwin, he too was the same. 'What's going on!?' I cried out. Dairren's skin had gone pale, his eyes…rolled to the back of his head as a burst vessel made blood leak out from his eye sockets. The blood then gushed out from his mouth, flowing down his chest until he collapsed in a heap on the floor, consumed within a pool of his own blood. I screamed, and noticed the once crowd that encircled us ended up in the same fate. Mr Goodwin wasn't better off either; his bow was plunged deep into his eye and through his skull. I screamed louder and louder, 'Help!' 'Help!' I pleaded, desperately running amongst the pile of corpses that littered the floor to find an ounce of life within someone. 'Why child?' 'Why did you leave us!?' a distant voice cried._

_Turning around I noticed my mother, father and Fergus all standing before me. 'Leave? I'm right here! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?" my sobs echoed the now quiet ballroom, filled with death and decay. A once lively and ecstatic atmosphere now silenced by the rotting flesh of the dead. Taking control of my sobbing I opened my eyes, only to find mother, father and Fergus' mouths open. We stood there in silence until they all started screaming, the noise was too much to bear as I covered my ears. Their faces started to change, the bone structures of their skulls snapping and twisting, crumpling up their heads, the very tissue of their brains oozing out of their ears. I couldn't watch, collapsing on my knees I began to throw up, heaving out ounces of continuous black bile, the acid burning and melting away my throat. The three figures that were once my family started to cackle in time with each other, sneering at my demise. Still on my knees I looked up. "You!" I cried…'No…No! Leave me! Leave me alone you bastard!" Their faces were now replaced with Arl Rendon Howe's. Their eyes narrowed rearing their heads towards me they encircled around me, laughing and spitting in my face. "You killed them you fool" said the first one. The second one began to share in the insults "You were your own demise", the last let out a high pitched shriek, before uttering one last word "murderer."_

Before I knew it someone was shaking me. My mind snapped out of the darkness, resurfacing towards reality. "Elissa!" Leliana shouted. My eyes were now opened and I noticed the concern in her face. My forehead felt hot as I touched it, beads of sweat dripped off my fingers. I suddenly remembered where I was again…it must have been a dream.

I caught a glimpse of myself again in the mirror, my once beautiful wedding dress now stained with blood. The ghosts of my parents and Fergus standing behind me, getting closer and closer towards me…

Again I screamed, I screamed as loud as I could to scare them away but still they kept on inching towards me, their hands reaching out to grab me…their white eyes sending a shiver up my spine. The door flew open, and the two guards rushed in, taking their battles stances whilst drawing out their weapons. "What's the commotion?" They asked. I leapt from the stool and shoved them out of my way…sending one guard crashing against the wall. _Run you fool, run. They can't get me if I run! _I sprinted down each corridor, followed by another corridor. Servants backing against the wall, a shocked and star struck look placed upon their faces, it wasn't every day you would see the future Queen of Ferelden running down the corridor in her soon to be wedding dress. I ran towards the bed chamber, I knew Alistair wouldn't be in there due to his busy schedule, and I could lock myself within the bathroom. I heard the quick patter of feet behind me as I was running, quickly glancing behind me I saw Leliana chasing after me, my ridiculously long train following after me. Leliana took this opportunity and stamped on it, sending me flying face first towards the floor. I led there, whimpering on the floor, my tears staining the carpet, not finding enough strength to carry on. Soft, comfortable arms pulled me into an embrace, patting my back as my tears slowly quieted down.

"You should know to never out run a bard" Leliana giggled, I pulled away from her, a small smile creeping upon my lips. It was fake, but nonetheless I didn't want to cause her any worry.

"What's going on Elissa? What on earth was that all about!? You were stood there for at least a whole minute, a blank expression on your face and then let out this hideous noise, I thought the shrieks of darkspawn were worse, but that just tops it. Do you not like the dress or something?"

Rage filled my body, gathering as much strength I could muster to stand up, Leliana followed suit. A red mist descended on my vision, clouding my mind. "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. NO ONE EVER UNDERSTANDS. WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH A MURDERER LIKE ME!?" I shouted at her, my lungs sore each time I breathed. I noticed the confused look upon her face, and decided enough was enough…it was more than I could bear. I fled to my room, and slammed the door shut behind me, sliding down I put my heads into my hands, and curled my body up into a ball.

Why would Alistair want to marry someone like me? Howe…you bastard…you were meant to be dead! _"I am you stupid fool…but I'm very much alive in your mind…never forget the amount of power I have over you."_

Silence and distance…are the most maddening.


	4. Restraint

**Author's note: Sorry guys, no Alistair romance in this chapter. This chapter is just to lead up into the main development of the story, but I promise in the next chapter there will be Alistair romance! **

**Btw I'm open to any criticism, I would really like to know if anyone actually enjoys this story : ) and if I need to improve on anything x**

A gentle knock on the door released me from my torment, followed by a hushed and soft whisper "Elissa, please…open the door."

Leliana…the sound of her voice instantaneously triggered my senses, making me recall everything that had just taken place. My face grew hot as I became more and more frustrated with myself. _The dress, the ball, Darrien, my parents…blood. _How could I be so stupid!? My previous once hardened, controlled self would laugh at me today. This is no way for a Grey Warden, The Hero of Ferelden and future Queen of Ferelden to act! If I keep on letting my emotions get the better of me I would become insane…or worse, Eamon would suspect my irrational behaviour, deem me unfit to rule and make Alistair abandon me! All because of my stupid emotions…well, not this time. I cannot lose control…especially not of my duty. _Get up and carry on._

With my brief self-lecture I took to my feet, and quickly opened the door in order for Leliana to make a quick entry. "Come in…quickly!" I whispered. She did as I said, and I locked the door behind her.

The quizzical look in her eyes and my inability to explain my behaviour cast an unwanted tension within the bedroom, we stood there for a moment before I moved towards the fireplace, sitting on one of the armchairs. As I did so she sat on the opposite chair, keeping a strict eye on me if I was going to do anything else rather out of the ordinary. "Elissa, I'm starting to worry about you…obviously, especially after what had just happened. You're becoming ever more distant and unpredictable -"

"It's the flashbacks…" I interrupted, too ashamed to look her in the eye I chose to focus on the wrath of the fireplace, watching the embers rise off of the wood.

"Still? After the blight and with Highever belonging to you and Fergus once again, I thought they would have faded…or at least less frequent…"

I looked over to her; the glow from the firelight radiated the warmth of red within her hair, giving her skin a glowing quality, almost angelic. Leliana had been like an angel to me after all, her gossips and comfort were strange to start, as I never allowed myself of such emotion. But as our friendship grew I felt myself lower my barrier towards her, she gained a part of my trust and I started telling her about some of my disturbing thoughts…she listened but as I grew closer to Alistair I became more distant to her. Convincing her that they were indeed fading, but in reality…

"They're doing the exact opposite. With Highever being off limits in the blight, and knowing I may never see it again spurred an odd comfort within me. Yet now knowing it belongs to me and Fergus again…the wounds have reopened and it's haunting me still, beckoning me to return so I may suffer by remembering its horrors…happy memories there are now non-existent, and my guilt implodes." I struggled to keep my tears back, and looked back into the fire to distract myself from Leliana's reactions, I mustn't show any emotion as its weakness, yet briefly letting her know of my guilt goes against everything I've taught myself over the last year.

I heard her sigh, and take an inhale of breath "You can't punish yourself like this, it's not fair. I know it's easier said than done but it's in the past now and you need to put it behind you and focus on your future with Alistair. Speaking about Alistair…does he know of this?"

My heart sank… "Thinking about telling Alistair of my mentality is completely out of the question. Yes I may have confided within him during the blight but things were different back then, and they weren't well…as bad. He was just a Grey Warden, and didn't have an important job such as being Ferelden's King to focus on. I don't want to tell him Leliana because…I've worked so hard to make things happy and right, putting Alistair on the throne was a struggle…and he's having his own problems with grasping its duties. I'm afraid that if I tell him that they've gotten terribly worse it may affect his performance and happiness…it's better for him to be oblivious and think that everything is alright—"

"When in reality it _isn't." _Leliana spat out.

"Please Leliana…don't start."

"Tough. I'm going too!"

I rolled my eyes…why can't everyone leave me alone and work things out for myself? I defeated the blight due to my solutions of its problems…why not this?

"Do you not know Alistair at all? Maker…you've seen all of the love he carries for you, those puppy dog eyes, and don't get me started on the passion…believe me _I've heard_. He kisses the ground you walk on, and despite this you don't think that he will support you in your troubles? You're soon to be married to him!"

"I know Leliana, I know! I do trust him…I just need time. I'd rather battle things out and see from there." I looked into her eyes pleadingly, searching any trace within her heart not to inform Alistair of my behaviour.

Her threatening body language slumped, her eyes melting to a more compassionate nature. "Fine" she replied, moving over towards me and kneeling in front of me as she did so, placing her hand delicately on my shoulder. "But if they get worse…and your behaviour becomes even more distant, restrained, and completely erratic almost to the point I should be concerned for your life…do not expect me to simply ignore this and not tell him."

My heart began to beat rapidly, what if I couldn't get over this? There's only so much emotion you can mask until it takes for something to break the iron façade.

My eyes met hers, and I nodded. I accepted our mutual, but silent agreement.

Breathing a sigh of relief Leliana helped me onto my feet. "Good. Now I reckon you should freshen yourself up, get changed and come with me to apologise to Mr Prétentieux."

"Oh Maker…and here I thought the use of my coercion skills as a rogue wouldn't be used again after the Blight" I joked.

Leliana giggled "Indeed, I find it rather amusing how you're going to get yourself out of this little blunder."

After freshening up and Leliana helping me dress, we both made our way through most of the winding corridors within the palace, adorned with a variety of paintings. Ranging from members of the Theirin blood line, King Maric, Queen Rowan, Cailan etc… a part of me found the paintings rather interesting and honourable to soon be welcomed into the line of heritage and it's royal family yet…the way their eyes followed mine and Leliana's every step was rather uncomfortable. I'm glad we didn't have to carry the mass of my soon to be wedding dress down the corridor. As I was freshening up Leliana told me that she got a servant to take the dress back down towards the meeting room from where we came, and to give Mr Prétentieux a message saying we will be back down shortly, apologising for any inconvenience. Pfft, I wouldn't exactly call it inconvenience myself.

Finally after what seemed ages traipsing around each continuous winding corridor we reached our destination. I felt my cheeks grow hotter as we walked back into the room, giving the guard an apologetic look after knocking him over before. To my surprise Mr Prétentieux didn't seem that at all bothered by the recent events, and was back to work upon making the improved wedding dress, gathering all of its materials, needles, pins etc…very organised. Whether or not he heard us come in I wasn't sure, so I broke the silence with an awkward cough. Still, he didn't turn around. _Oh sod it, if he doesn't turn around then hopefully it will make this easier. _"Mr Prétentieux, I would just like to apologise with my recent behaviour. You see…I was just very pleased and delighted about my dress, which caused me to let out what I call an excited squeal, which for no reason led me to run down the corridor, exerting this excitement. I do apologise if it was quite a shock. You are very welcome to stay within the castle whilst you make the dress and I will definitely make it worth your while."

Leliana arched an eyebrow with a rather amused look on her face, I just shrugged it off.

"Ahh fear not mademoiselle, I am rather used to this reaction from most of my clients, women just seem to go head over heels for my creations. I will accept your offer and I would like to be shown to my room." Mr Prétentieux eventually replied.

"Guards, please show our guest Mr Prétentieux to his room." I ordered, the two both stumbled in, the one I knocked over looked as though he was fed up with taking orders for today, I don't really blame him.

"And I will follow" Leliana added in. "I am rather eager to see its beautiful creation."

"Very well Leliana, I will see you later tonight for dinner?" She nodded, and with that I left, taking a brisk steps towards my bed chamber, her delightful claps of excitement echoing through the palace walls.


	5. Drowning

Author's note: Sorry I took a while to upload anything new, I'm currently on holiday in America and writing with jet lag isn't great :P the next chapter will probably be out when I'm back home in the UK next week, sorry guys I hope you can wait

Thank you to everyone who has followed/favourited this story so far! I really appreciate it and hope you're enjoying it. Thank you to darkK88 for the review! I hope you're still finding it interesting.

To everyone who has viewed thank you! But please leave a review if you can I'd really appreciate some feedback on how to improve or if I'm doing the right thing etc.

Hope you enjoy this chapter and sorry for the long wait :).

I was starting to get impatient. I hadn't seen Alistair all day, and considering my actions today it was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because his absence secured my desire of secrecy concerning my emotional turmoil, and a curse due to my inability of confiding truly within him...easing my discomfort with his strong and secure arms encircled around my waist gently stroking my back, whilst receiving tender kisses from his soft lips, his tongue becoming entwined with mine...igniting both of our desires to consume each other wholly. Yet would it be sweeter if he truly knew of my state and accepted it? I always had a sense of confidence and trust within Alistair, especially during the blight, briefly touching upon my grief, yet at the same time I felt guilty as he too was undergoing emotional strain, especially with the absence of Duncan. However since the blight has now ended...and the constant reminder of the rights and property to Highever now returning to me and Fergus looming over my head, my flash backs and apparitions have escalated...and now they're causing me to doubt the man I most truly adore, alongside pushing away my most dearest friends.

I know I have to do something about this...yet I'm scared of what it would entail and of its outcome.

Deciding I was getting far to distracted and paranoid, I resumed my task of preparing myself for tonight's rehearsal dinner for my wedding. What good is an lavish dress whilst my face is bare? The faint sparkle of emeralds adorned upon my necklace caught my attention of my reflection within the mirror. At least I can cheer myself up with these wonderful dresses...a bonus of being the impending Queen of Ferelden. The dress I had picked out for tonight consisted of a rich dark green velvet, embellished with silver hues alongside the silver trim of the plunging neck line, complementing my pale cream skin yet drawing attention to my chest area...which had become noticeably larger thanks to the corset, a slight hint towards Alistair of what he had been missing out on due to his now busy schedule.  
My face was really ghastly though, its youth and plumpness slowly fading away, my cheekbones becoming more prominent and my eyes more sunken due to my anxieties curbing my appetite...literally making me become a ghost of my precious self, glossed over with a pasty complexion. I reached for my brush and topped it with powder...frantically stabbing it was if it would disappear. Smothering it all over my face I decided it wouldn't be enough...I still looked too pale! Therefore I applied as much blusher to colour my cheeks, and applied darker powder on my eyebrows to make myself look at least like the person I used to be.

Yet staring back at my now made up reflection it physically reflected my lies and embellishments upon my life in the face of others...

The harsh pounding knock upon the door released me from my deep musings, jolting me back into reality "Yes?"

The door flew open, revealing a small elvish servant "Ehem...my lady...th-the dinner is n-now ready" her stammer caused my empathy for her nervous disposition, after witnessing the destruction of the blight especially heightening the poverty within Denerim's alienage both me and Alistair had set work upon helping to restore it, including employing some of its residents to help with their poverty. Yet this young girl must have only been about twelve...the dirt caked around her hands and eyes stirred my feelings of guilt, and how lucky I actually had my life and its luxuries. How selfish can I be?

My eyes met hers, and I nodded. She stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do with herself, her fingers and thumbs twirling with doubt. "It's alright, you can go." I replied softly, a small empathetic smile spreading across my face.  
She looked shocked at my reply, a sign that she obviously wasn't used to being treated gently with"T-thank you my lady" and with that she scuttled down the corridor.

How can I be so selfish? I thought. Here I am complaining of my stupid mentality and my negative outlook upon life where in reality I am due to be getting married to the man I loved, living within Ferelden's palace for gods sake...a life with food, shelter and love secures with its embellishments, whereas there were people who had to really experience life's negativity, all of the above qualities not secured. Something had to change, and I'm determined to see this through.

Facing the mirror I took one look at myself, a fire and passion now lit within the determination in my eyes, my fixed stare instructing myself to once again harden and see life through, and see it through I will.

...  
As I paced down the corridor each thud from my footsteps synchronised with the pounding of my heart, I'm excited to seeing Alistair but I'm anxious of my friends prying eyes, especially now that I'm aware of Leliana's observation of my behaviour. If I had any chance to sort this out by myself then I'd have to put on a rather realistic act of a fine persona if I was feeling frantic again. But knowing Leliana and her reputation of being a bard, it will be VERY difficult to pull off, she's probably encountered others in the exact same position of mine and as a result have learnt all of the tricks of the trade concerning fake personalities and performances. Eurgh, I just want today to be over with, snuggle up in bed and cuddle Alistair's warm body as I try to forget about recent events. Well, if I stand here most of the day contemplating my thoughts then the day will even be longer.  
Turning around the corridor I was faced with the large wooden doors entering into the main hall. You can do this Elissa...I told myself. Forget about the negativity and focus on the positives...besides I wonder who will be here tonight?

As I gently opened the doors my questions were answered. Scanning the room I noticed many empty seats accompanied by the amount of tables left bear apart from a variety of white sheets trimmed with hold embellishments around the edges with the lower part of the floor. However with the sounds of laughter my head jerked up towards the raised floor at the head of the hall. There I could see Leliana sitting at the far right end of the table, engrossed within a conversation with a familiar antivan elf...Zevran. My face lit up and my muscles relaxed upon seeing my dear friend, after the blight I found myself missing his absence due to his wish for 'travelling the world' and I couldn't deny him of his newly found freedom. A part of me hoped that he would grasp this opportunity and make the most of his freedom, before the concepts of a manufactured life and its positions tie you down. Alas, I missed his smart and comical retorts, often involving most of his tales encompassing sexual innuendos that never failed to make me giggle and truly laugh. As if he sensed my thoughts his eyes unfocused from Leliana's and he suddenly noticed my presence. Our eyes met and were transfixed for a while, until he suddenly gave me a wink accompanied by a smirk before resuming his conversation with Leliana. At his actions it thus signalled Leliana to turn around and see who Zevran was smirking at. Her eyes sharply fell upon me, and her cold gaze forced me to stop in my tracks, too cold even for her. What have I done now? I ignored her glare and noticed that Oghren had joined the party, downing gallons of ales and relieving himself with a large belch of air...some things never change, I chuckled. As I approached the raised floor where the little party was gathered my heart melted as I saw Alistair sitting in the middle, laughing at Oghrens antics, his warm amber eyes glowing. My footsteps echoed the hall and Alistair looked up as I walked up the couple of stairs joining the raised floor. My smile grew bigger as my heart raced with excitement for not seeing him all day. His eyes analysed my body as he leapt up from his chair and quickly ran over towards me, his pupils dilating as his teeth shone through his big grin, sweeping me into his arms within the loving embrace I'm now most familiar with. I drank in his scent as my face buried itself within the crook of his neck, my cheek gently grazing against his light stubble, a sign that he was over worked by Eamon. But nonetheless I enjoyed the way it felt against my cheek. He tightened his grip on my lower back, his lips pressing soft kisses upon my neck as I sighed with contentment. The warmth of his hot breath tickled my neck sending more tingles down towards my spine "I've missed you today" he mumbled. He brought my face level to his and kissed my lips. "And I you" I replied as we broke the kiss, "but I'm confused...where is everyone? And what are they doing here?" As I looked towards the table with the gathered party. "Tsk..now now my dear, that is hardly the nicest way to greet us is it no? And here I thought my dear grey warden would have missed me" Zevran interrupted, a sarcastic tone playing upon his words. I shook my head in a playful manner and I ran over towards him, embracing him in a tight hug, only lightly demonstrating how I missed my dear friend. "Maybe I should go away more" Zevran commented in his thick antivan accent, giving me a slight wink as we both pulled away. Behind me I heard Alistair cough, even though I wasn't facing him I could feel his eyes burning with jealousy upon our friendly embrace. "Most of the nobility are travelling their way down towards Denerim's for the wedding"  
Leliana coughed at Alistair's words "aaand the main reason for the lack of presence within the hall is because there was no real rehearsal dinner, Alistair wanted you to spend some time with your dearest friends which he knew you missed before the wedding, and also to spend some alone time with you"  
I turned around and smiled lovingly at Alistair, his cheeks were begging to redden. "It looks like the King wants to polish his ol' weapon" Oghren sniggered whilst slurring consequently from the huge amounts of empty glasses littered around him. The room erupted with laughter and I couldn't help but chuckle slightly, Alistair's face blushed even brighter "Oghren" I sighed playfully, tutting at his sexual remarks that haven't changed.  
"Just like old time eh Warden?" Oghren replied, nearly toppling over his chair from the drunken state he was in.  
"Yes, just like old times" I smiled, reminiscing of our little party and the camp during the blight. It's a shame Wynne and Shale couldn't be here, they were currently out on their adventure discovering if Shale could be brought back to her original Dwarf form if possible. Unlikely, but no harm for trying. Sten too was sorely missed, all the way over back in his home land Par Vollen. Oddly, Morrigan too, but I do not wish to think of those reasons.  
I walked over to Alistair and held his hand, becoming entwined with mine, my face gently stroking his cheek. "Well, lets begin dinner everyone, I am famished" I announced, leading Alistair back towards our seats positioned in the middle of our group.  
The meal was delicious and extravagant, servants brought out bowls of fresh salads accompanied by many meat courses ranging from beef fillets in a red wine sauce, pork in a delectable cream and garlic sauce with a hint of apple, alongside a variety of fish courses ranging from freshly cut salmon to caviar. Everyone was tucking in, the room silenced apart from the sounds of chewing and munching approvingly, it seemed everyone had a very hungry appetite tonight. Soon after we were finished the room once again erupted with conversation, ranging from Zevran's ordeals with the crows, his affairs and Oghren's travels largely encompassing his wish to expand on his knowledge and taste of different beverages, accompanied with Bann Teagan. I had to laugh at imagining what state those two got themselves in.  
I then noticed Alistair's hand gently stroking my thigh under the table, his thumb massaging my leg as it travelled higher, arousing me into bliss, further fuelling my desire to share my passion with him "You look beautiful" he whispered in my ear, nibbling on the soft lobe of my ear. I couldn't help but let out a small shriek of pleasure, causing Zevran's eyebrow to arch. "Ah well my friends, I think it is best to give these two lovebirds some alone time" he retorted, causing my face to heat up a little.  
"Aye" Oghren agreed, struggling to stand up straight and swaying as he did so. Luckily, Zevran caught onto his arm and placed it around his shoulder, giving Oghren some support in order to walk back to his room. "Goodnight dear warden" Zevran's voice echoed as he left the room with Oghren. Leliana was close behind and gave me and Alistair a small smile before she took her leave. But I couldn't help feeling that it was forced.  
"Well, now they're out of the way" Alistair said with his usual grin, standing up from his chair "would you care for a dance my love?" His hand reaching out towards mine.  
My hand automatically grabbed his as he pulled me up, a slight confused look plastered across my face "Dance? But there's no music I enquired. Upon my statement Alistair clapped his hands, and out from the upper balconies three musicians appeared, each systematically starting to strum soft and harmonious notes from their violins. "Oh Alistair, you really didn't have to do this"  
His lips were suddenly pressed against mine, a technique he would use to wind me up, not that i minded. His tongue wanting to explore each crevice of my mouth, making me respond in the same manner, my hands running through his hair as he traced gentle circles upon my back. Alistair let out a sigh of contentment as he pulled away, his lips forming into that familiar smirk alongside his raised eyebrows, appearing to be pleased with successfully seducing me.  
He led me to the lower part of the floor and took my hand in his again, his other resting against the small of my back.  
The band started to strum their violins at a more romantic pace as the candlelight set a dim glow upon the main hall. "Who would have thought this time last year we would be where we are today?" Alistair said as he spun me around slowly, taking in every slight curve of my body, sending my dress to swirl around me. He grasped my arm and swiftly pulled me back into his chest, stirring an ounce of safety within myself, the place I loved the most. Placing my arms around his shoulders and neck I gently sighed and stared into the distance, feeling myself slowly drift off into a daydream "Yes...who would have thought it" a small smile spreading.

Abruptly within the shadowed part of the alcove on the side if the hall I noticed a silhouette cast from a small figure standing passively by, not moving one inch. Knowing Zevran and his ways it was probably him spying on the two of us, a usual past time he would carry out during our gatherings within camp. Yet the air was cold and stagnant, causing a sense of unease within my mood. Alistair began turning me again and I decided to ignore it, and channel all of my attention towards him. His white tunic emphasised the radiance of his sun kissed skin, whilst the loosely tied strings revealed a small part of his muscular chest, I ran my fingers across it, causing amounts of delight to be etched upon my face, resulting in a satisfied purr coming from Alistair which vibrated his chest, tingling my fingertips. "I'm so glad you're happy my love, and that I get to spend the rest of my life with you, truly you have saved me" Alistair's eyes began to water as if he was reminiscing on a painful memory, a somber face now replacing his once delighted expression. My hands brushed his cheek as I caught the tear trickling downwards, "Alistair" I sighed, as I wrapped myself around his body, tightly embracing him, deciding that words weren't necessary. Although, his statement sent a pang of guilt within my chest. Part of it was relevant, yes I truly was happy with Alistair and the future it entailed, my desire to spend the rest of my life with someone I adored. Yet, I cannot continue on lying to him, if I carry on with it then the outcome will be far worse, better I tell him about my torments before we get married. Deciding against my better judgement I opened my mouth to begin my confession, but I stopped dead in my tracks as the figure again reappeared and started advancing its way out towards out if the shadows. "What's wrong Elissa?" I heard Alistair ask, his voice sounding ever more distant. But I couldn't look towards him, my face was transfixed upon the mysterious figure as my whole body froze, I truly felt like a statue now. "Who's there?!" My voice trembled with fear. The figure stopped, it's body close towards the end of the shadow. A petite, pale hand made its way through the shadow, revealing its skeletal structure, it's muscles and joints twisting in an unnatural nature. I pulled myself away from Alistair as I backed away slowly, causing as much distance as physically possible between me and the figure. I felt threatened. Alistair matched the angle of my gaze, his head turning back towards me, wrinkles forming upon his forehead. "Who's there!?" He demanded, the corner of my eye seeing he now held a small dagger he pulled out from underneath his tunic, placing himself in between the distance of me and the figure. The violins stopped and the figure pulled its hand back into the shadows. My heart attempted to calm itself with the realisation the horror had retreated. Yet my knowledge was wrong, the figure now quickened it's pace and immersed its self out of the shadows. At first the figure appeared to be of a young boy, clothes in brown breeches and a white top, it's gaze cast down towards the floor, the black hair covering any sign of any facial features I may be familiar with. A faint red dot appeared to drip onto its white top, violently spreading into a river of blood turning it crimson, causing little droplets to gush onto the floor. It's body began to violently shake as if it had no control over its central nervous system, it's arms and legs flying about frantically. I tried to scream but the figure lifted its head and revealed a blood shot version of Oren, it's face tainted by the blight, black veins coating the edges of his face attempting to burst and pierce itself through the tender surface of flesh. "No!" I shouted. I continued shouting but no sound was coming from my mouth. The figure of Oren laughed menacingly towards me, it's head now leaning to one side whilst becoming disjointed from its neck. "Don't I deserve any happiness!? Leave me alone!" My attempt to stand my ground failed as I now found Oren lifting up its broken legs to advance towards me. My legs started to bound themselves towards the door, my body desperately trying to run away and escape from its clutches, my arms powering my speed as I escaped the main hall, again leading towards the corridor. More footsteps echoed behind me, following my every pace and direction. "Elissa!" Alistair cried with desperation as he attempted to follow me.  
My love is drowned by devastation.


	6. Trust

**Author's note:**** Hi guys! So so sorry for the long delay in updates! I have been really busy the past few weeks with juggling favours mixed with a writer's block and being ill. However I'm better now so I hopefully should be updating more frequently.  
Thank you SO much to everyone who has reviewed, favourited, followed and just taking the time to read my story, it gives me so much motivation to carry on! I really appreciate it.  
Anyway, enough of me talking haha, I give you the next chapter! :)**

"Elissa!..Elissa!" Alistair's voice trailed behind me. A slight déjà vu moment seeing as I was here earlier, in the same form with being chased by Leliana. However this time not wearing a long flowing ball gown made the chase much easier and quicker. My heart surged with emotional wreckage hearing his crying pleas for me to stop. My Cousland upbringing was demanding me to stop and face my fears, yet my body's nature was filled with so much fright that it overtook my senses, blurring my conscience and fuelling my frantic desire to avoid his pain and confusion, his puzzled face conveying his inquisition.  
The distance between his voice and me seemed far, I smiled at my wit of using my speed gained with the training and pace of being skilled as a rogue against that of a warrior, hard, defensive and stoic, Alistair's training. Pounding towards the once familiar door to our bedroom chambers I swiftly spun around on my heel, and slammed the door shut behind me, quickly so I couldn't see Alistair's advancements towards me. The furniture around the room began to spin and all of the colours fabrics began to combine, leaving me to suddenly find my vision getting nearer to the floor. I couldn't believe it. I was on the floor again. Crying. No matter how much I try to act the once confident, strong and vigilant self I once was, my pretence was grasping on the hinges of its crumbled foundation. "Why doesn't anything good happen to me, the fairy tales lied!" I screamed at myself, as if demanding the empty room to come up with an answer to this torment. "Elissa! Open this door now!" Alistair's voice raged from behind the door, separating the distance between our bodies. But I couldn't, I couldn't summon up the strength anymore to lift my body off of the floor. The splintering of wood burst my eardrums as Alistair knocked half of the door off of its hinges, his strength as a warrior paying off. My eyes were locked on the floor, my back huddled and facing away from him, as if I was cradling myself from the outside world, determined to stay within this fabricated reality of mine. My sobs were the only sound to be heard from inside the bedroom, I could feel Alistair's body tense behind me from witnessing me within this disposition. Hearing my muffled cries caused my body to shake, sickening to hear my weakness. Everything was still a blur, but before I knew it I found myself in Alistair's arms, being carried towards the bed. I tried to break free from his grasp but he just held on tighter "Shhh" he whispered, advancing closer towards the bed. Although, a part of me found it relaxing, being held closer to Alistair's chiselled chest reinforced a relaxed demeanour upon myself, acting as a natural painkiller. But it also reminded me how my mother used to carry me back to my bed when I was younger, after somehow apparently bursting into her and father's room during the night screaming about some childish nightmare I had. Ironic isn't it, that my family now are the ones who are causing them.  
We finally reached the bed and as Alistair held me with one of his arms snaked behind the crooks of my knees whilst the other was supporting my back, he gently lowered my body onto the inviting silk of the bed, causing my frame to collapse in its comfort. I still couldn't move and my eyes were focused upon the wooden carvings adorned on the roof of our four poster bed, such beauty, yet it took the death of nature to obtain such a marvelled object. I could hear Alistair pacing around me, but I was still determined to concentrate all of my attention on the top of the four poster bed. My anxieties were faced however and I could no longer avoid his gaze, as the ruffling of bed sheets were followed by Alistair laying down beside the right of me, both of his hands at each side of my torso, enabling him to prop himself up and hover over me, both of our faces in close proximity. A romantic position yet during this moment, it was rather intimidating. Green eyes met Amber, causing my body to further tremble as I became aware of his body further pressing into mine. Tension imploded, and not of the angst kind. Since our engagement we both agreed to not engage intimately with one another until the night of our wedding, to probably ensure tradition no doubt thanks to Eamon, although Alistair and I reluctantly agreed.  
"What on earth was that all about Elissa!? What are you playing a-" giving into the passion I silenced Alistair by the only way I knew which was possible. My hands miraculously lifted and grasped his jaw, as I swiftly brought my face closer to his, aggressively pressing our lips to meet. I tried to re live that moment we just had, that tender kiss which soothed all of my worries. Yet I could feel Alistair tense and become unresponsive to my advances. Growling he pulled my face away, and pinned me back onto the mattress, his hands clasping around my wrists in an effort to make me stay in my place.  
"As much as I want to, that isn't the answer I'm looking for right now." Alistair sighed, his voice conveying a pent up anger and frustration that I haven't seen in a while.  
Gulping, I took a deep breath, and closed my eyes. Preparing myself for the difficulty of explaining everything that's been happening inside my mind. But the madness took over, and human emotion got the better of me. "I - I...saw Oren!" I wailed. "Just now...he was going to hurt me!"  
Alistair reached out for my hand and kissed it, his lips quivering as his eyebrows wrinkled up in confusion "Oren?" He questioned, and sighed for the second time. "Fergus's son? You do realise he isn't exactly...here anymore Elissa."  
"YES I DO REALISE ALISTAIR." I screeched, enough to rival a banshee. Alistair looked taken aback at my harshness, yet I carried on going, as this would be the only way to let everything out. "I realise that every time I see a glimpse of him, mother and father too! I realise that every time they haunt my dreams, depriving me of sleep and sanity. I realise that every time I see their blood. I realis-". The tears took over once more, and Alistair took this as his chance to gently cradle me, rocking me back and forth within his arms "Shh...Shh it's going to be alright Elissa." Alistair said softly, tracing gentle circles upon my back. "I've noticed you've been distant and anxious for a past couple of days, when did these visions all begin?"  
Taking a gulp of air in an attempt to steady my breathing I began my answer, only to twist the soft bed covers within my fingers to ease my anxiousness "I think...just after we defeated the arch demon...after the blight."  
I felt Alistair's demeanour change again, his grasp on my body tightening as his body stiffened once more "And you didn't think about coming to me and sharing your worries? Why didn't you tell me!?" He said sternly.  
Oh great...I knew this reaction was bound to come up. But where do I start...surely I have nothing to lose now...on the contrary...  
"Because I didn't want to ruin your chance of happiness! During the blight that emotion to be felt by you was a slim chance, what with Duncan and the betrayal amongst oh you know trying to defeat the blight and an arch demon thrown into it. Afterwards, I knew you were hesitant to be king but I thought it was a chance for you to regain some happiness, and SOME normality back into your life, and I feared if I wasn't happy and pressed my downfall of mentality upon you then you'd be distracted from your duties as King by being concerned for me. Therefore it was better for you to think I was truly happy in an attempt to secure your happiness and... I didn't want Eamon to declare me unfit for the crown thus resulting in him forcing us to separate..."  
I couldn't explain any more than that, looking for explanations was like trying to search for a needle in a haystack, long and frustrating. The room fell silent, and I dared myself to look at Alistair's face. As I looked up I could see a small but a visible single tear trickle out from the corner of his left eye, down towards his cheek. His face carried the same emotion I felt, like he was soon to also have a breakdown. "I'm sorry..." I whispered, as I wiped the single tear from his cheek. "This is why I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want you to get upset, and diminish your happiness you so much deserve after all of the devastation of the blight."  
"Do you not know me at all?" Alistair stated, croaking with raw emotion yet slightly reserved. "Maker Elissa...I knew you were having nightmares but this...you need help, preferably from me as I have gone through this...once. If we're going to soon be married then you need to trust me! You could have told me the dreams had escalated into visions. I had the same with my mother...and the abandonment of my father, or should I say 'King Maric'. Probably not as bad as yours but there is hope. But you still should have told me, as your fiancé I have a right to know these things, and there isn't a chance in hell that I would let Eamon take you away from me, believe that. If it came to that then sod him and sod the damn crown." His tone took on a darker stance filling with rage at the mention of Eamon tearing us apart. Finally he sighed, and buried his face in his hands as he did so.  
"Alistair...please...explain. You've had visions like this...w-w-what did you do? And firstly why didn't you tell me? Seems like I'm not the only one!" I implored him.  
In response he raised his face from his hands, seeming hesitant to do so, yet he collected himself, and took a deep breath  
"This was way before I even knew you Elissa, and they had time to disappear before I met you in Ostagar, so I hardly saw why it was relevant for you to know, it was over and in the past, nothing to be concerned of. Firstly you need to distract yourself, take your mind off of thinking about them. Soon after being recruited into the Grey Wardens this gave me the ideal opportunity, venting my emotions out into my warrior training. With each session and each task of carrying out the duties that involved being a Grey Warden I slowly noticed that they became less frequent and weaker, ultimately disappearing one by one. Secondly...you need to convince your sub conscious that what you're seeing isn't a reflection of reality. You knew your family better than anyone else did, and I'm sure they would not approve of seeing you in this manner, and without a doubt I'm bloody sure they would not harm you. Further fuel your sub conscious into a truer reflection of reality by obtaining something of a sentimental value that you trust which grounds yourself. But there is one thing you must do before acting upon all of this Elissa."  
My eyes stared further into his, seeking to find an answer to all of this. I couldn't help but notice my hands began to tremble again, and Alistair once more too his hand in mine and tenderly kissed it before uttering "You need to trust me." He said, his eyes staring directly into mine, as if he was looking into my soul, finding a source of agreement. "Of course I do Alistair" I replied, placing my hand against the back of his head, brushing my fingertips against the softness of his hair. "I always have."  
The cheeky grin I used to know graced itself back upon his face "Good" he murmured, before taking my lips with his. He then broke the kiss much to my disagreement, and stared at me again, yet his expression was much softer. "What is it?" I asked, curious yet dreading what's going through that mind of his now.  
"After all, I'll soon be your husband" Alistair chirped, that boyish grin of his further widening as he led down next to me on the bed, his hand encircling my waist.  
Suddenly I found my mood had been uplifted. Uplifted in a way it hasn't been in ages in fact. "And on that note my soon dear to be wife, I reckon we should at least get some sleep, we both have had a tiring day."  
As if by magic after his statement my eyelids began to feel heavy "Thank you Alistair...for everything."  
But before I could manage to get a response from him the mattress started to vibrate, suddenly realising it was due to Alistair snoring.  
Pfft, typical man. Well that definitely went better than I thought besides from Alistair's hurt expression, but I cannot blame him. Gazing at his sleeping form and how serene he looked I placed a light kiss upon his forehead, resulting in a pleasured grumble from Alistair who pulled me closer into him. Although I was happy for the moment I couldn't help but mull over the words Alistair spoke to me. Things would have been much easier to handle if I had told Alistair! How could I have been so stupid and selfish? Here I was bottling up all of my emotions yet here was Alistair...who had the same slight experience that I was undergoing, if only I had known! It seemed like fate now that I must tell and share everything with him, as if fate indeed moulded us as soul mates. First the effects of the darkspawn blood we had both consumed, battling through its hallucinations and senses, and now this. '_Further fuel your sub conscious into a truer reflection of reality by obtaining something of a sentimental value that you trust which grounds yourself'_. Alistair's voice rang through my head. An object...but what? I asked myself...something small something big? Then it dawned upon me. Aha. Carefully slipping out of bed I tiptoed towards one of the draws adjoined to the side of my mother's dressing table. I felt a strong presence nearby, urging me to turn away. Yet with the conversation I just had with Alistair gave me strength, and I just shrugged it off. All in my head...all in my imagination I chuckled to myself, as I grasped onto the draws handle, pulling open the draw to reveal multitudes of jewellery boxes. Like my mother it seems I was a lover of jewellery and finery. For some reason I knew the correct box was buried within the centre of the draw. Sifting through the boxes I was also able to separate and identify the correct box apart from the others, lifting if out of the draw. The box looked simple, yet its contents were encased in oak, coated with onyx paint, mysterious and alluring at the same time. At my touch it instantly popped open, and there in the middle amongst the emerald coloured silk led a simple black band. It felt cold to the touch as I lifted it out from the silk, yet as soon as I placed the ring around my finger it suddenly lit up with a warm orange glow, moulding to a perfect fit. Placing the box back inside the draw I was reminded of the time my mother gave this to me as a random gift around about the time I was seventeen, alongside telling me how she obtained it. At sixteen she went on a family trip to Tevinter, for what reason she didn't know, as she never liked to listen to her parents much and she was too excited to browse the local market in order to find any item she would like for her seventeenth birthday. Not much was explained about the details of that day as my mother seemed to rush the conversation as she said she was due somewhere else. Yet she quickly went on to explain that browsing through the local stock a jewellery stand drew her interest, and this very ring had caught her eye. The woman who owned the market stall and eventually sold it to her had seen her admiring the simple black band, and told mother that simple as it may look, once placed upon living human flesh it detects whatever the mood the individual is feeling from heat, and projects that mood in colour. My mother had only taught me three colours and their meaning. But apparently a warm orange tone represented happiness, blue for sadness and pink for stress. Apparently the woman at the stall claimed it had been enchanted. But it was obviously very special as I've never heard of anything like that before and neither had my mother, thus she told me she wanted to pass it down through the generation of our family in order to preserve its value, before scuttling away to her daily routines.  
A slight breeze blew through the window, causing the curtains to gently flutter yet it sent a deadly cold chill to the room. Stumbling back towards the bed deciding it was too cold to tip toe I quickly threw off my dress and slipped underneath the duvet, placing Alistair's arm around my waist again before snuggling into his chest. I felt reassured that in time everything would get better, so as long as I keep this ring on me at all times in order to feel 'grounded' as Alistair said so, enabling me to drift quickly off to sleep. But...not before noticing the room had gotten a lot darker...


	7. Hurt

**Author's note: Hi everyone! Once again i'm really sorry it's taken me ages to update the next chapter, i'm rubbish at doing it aha. I thought I would be less busy after last time I updated the story but unfortunately not. Just been really busy with a small trip, A Level Results and planning alongside organizing stuff for Uni. But here, to make up for it i'm giving you guys two next chapters! I'm determined to update frequently now before going off to University after passing my A Level's wooo :)  
**_  
_**Please once again can I ask you to review what you think of these chapters if you like them, or if not comment what i could do to improve. I hope it's heading the right way. Once again i'm very sorry to be rubbish at updating and for keeping you waiting for so long! Thank you for pressing favorite and following so much!**

_The room engulfed me in darkness, and I awoke in my own pool of sweat, my body clinging to the bed linen like a fly wrapped in a spiders cocoon, waiting for its demise. I was panting again, as if I saw something that unnerved me, however I did not. What I did notice though was how the room was still incredibly dark, and the last few candles were slowly dying out. The lack of light from behind the curtains indicated to me that it must still be night time…but where was Alistair? I felt for his body, but my hand only met the sunken matters from the imprint of his sleeping form. I looked around our chambers, attempting to adjust my eyesight…whether this was a dream or not and if I was still sleeping I could not tell. I led back down and tried to close my eyes again in the hope of drifting off, assuming that Alistair's disappearance was due to his weekly midnight raid of the larder in order to satisfy his grey warden appetite, usually cured with an incredible amount of cheese. _

_Finding my attempts unsuccessful I led there for a moment, thinking about how the wedding to Alistair would go, who would come, what there would be too eat…all of this got me very excited until out of nowhere, I heard a small cry in the distance. Panicking Alistair or somebody else was in trouble due to intruders I leapt from my bed, putting on the nearest dressing gown and wrapping it around me I ran towards the door and flew it open, sending it slamming behind me. The doors slam echoed against the silent walls of the corridor, as did my footsteps, moving myself further down the corridor. I stopped dead in my tracks as I heard the cry again…this time it sounded as if it were a distressed new born. But why was there a cry from a new born in the castle when we don't have any here? The cry again broke my ponderings, and I advanced further down the corridor, attempting to seek out the explanation for the noise being made. The crying was getting louder, and I started to run, but as I did so, each candle lighting the way on the walls were blowing out, darkening my way. Using the cry as my source of direction I navigated my way through what seemed like a maze of winding corridors, twisting in all directions. Whilst running I heard the cry stop, and I immediately slowed my pace to a halt, for a chance to hear the slightest of movements or stirs, but then the crying turned into laughter, and this laughter I heard coming from behind the door I conveniently stopped next too. _

_More laughter was heard as I advanced closer towards the wooden panels of the door, the only obstacle between me and this mystery. Yet, as I moved closer I heard the chuckling of adult voices and tones, much too low and mature for a child. Against my better judgement and deciding enough was enough I took the plunge, and went in…_

_Surprisingly, the room watch pitch black, I tried to see my hand held up in front of my face yet it was far too dark. How very odd. The door slammed behind me, causing my nerves to re-surface and my heart beats to implode, their thumps being the only sound now heard in the room. _

"_Who's there!?" I demanded, trying to sound as much of the strong and courageous 'Hero of Ferelden' I was supposed to be, in order to stand my ground, however it came out as a mere panicked whisper. _

_As if by magic, the numerous amounts of candles mounted upon each side of the bedrooms walls were lit up, giving light to the small and confined space. Revealed in the centre of the room was a small cot, where the small cries resumed. As if to respond to that cry, a cloaked figure stepped out of the shadows, picked the infant up and started rocking it back and forth, like a mother would do. _

_My curiosity was piqued "Who are you? And what are you doing in my castle?" I demanded, my body rattling with both fear and rage. _

_The figure laughed, and spoke in a voice I recognised "I think you already know the answer, child." Balancing the child in one arm, its head resting upon the figures shoulder still facing away from me, the figure lifted up its opposite arm, and threw off its shrouding hood. _

_Her eyes opened, familiar warm golden iris's stared back at me…one's that I'd used to look into every day._

_My body froze. "Morrigan." I snarled. My fists clenching at my sides, ready to wipe that smug grin off of her face, for her betrayal. This MUST be a dream, why would she be here so soon? What was she planning on doing? "You have ten seconds to explain to me what the HELL you are doing here!"_

_Her reply was a hideous cackle "Claiming what is mine" She said ominously. _

_Before I could question her further another figure emerged from the shadows, but this time my heart had truly dropped… "Alistair? W-what's going on!? What are you doing here!?" I screamed at him. Nonetheless despite my screams he averted his attention towards the new-born, his gaze locked on its form as he strode towards it. I could only look on. He placed his hand on the child's head and started striking it softly in order to calm it down, the whimpers hushed…and Alistair's lips formed a contented smile, his eyes glowing with joy and warmth I had not seen before…he looked truly happy. If there was any chance for my heart to feel even more hurt, its position sinking lower within my chest, this was it. In fact you might as well tear it out of me and cast it aside, for it was broken beyond repair. _

_I looked back towards Morrigan, who was looking down upon the child with so much compassion that the three of them looked like the stereotype for the perfect family. A tear rolled down my cheek, splashing onto the wooden floorboards. Why couldn't it be my child? _

"_Why, Elissa?" Alistair now drew his attention to my presence "Why couldn't you allow for me to be given this chance of happiness? This bundle of joy?" _

_My tears started to increase, as I felt my clothes dampen with sorrow. I knew what he was referring to…_

"_You disgust me." An aggressive tone took over him "Your corruption…your selfishness that denies me of an heir…of a secure future for Ferelden!"_

"_NO!" I screamed, my tears took control as the floor surrounding me started to flood "It's not impossible!" _

_I felt helpless…disgusted with myself. I tried to walk over to Alistair but an invisible force was holding me back, in my place._

"_Know your place child" Morrigan sneered venomously at me. Both her and Alistair resuming their attention to coddling the child before them._

"_You Bitch." I spat back at her. But not only could I not move and intervene, it seemed they could not hear me…for their attention was still focused as if they were undisturbed. _

_Thunder erupted outside, it's light from the descent lighting the room for just a mere second. _

_I felt a presence nearby and desperately looked towards the ring on my hand in order to comfort and persuade me that this was just a nightmare…that these were just visions my cruel conscious was playing on me. Alas, the room was too dark from where I was standing, and I went into despair as I could not see it…but I could feel it._

"_Such a pity…" Another voice mused to the right side of me, edging further towards where I was standing…_

"_Isn't it just…Bryce" Another voice said to the left of me._

_Not again…I span around…and saw the ghostly figures of my parents standing behind me._

"_You're not real…you're not here…" I tried telling myself. My mother stroked my face with a face of compassion suddenly morphing into anger as my Father violently took a hold of my shoulder and span me back around…keeping his grip on my shoulder…forcing me to watch the happy family._

"_It's such a marvel isn't it Eleanor?" _

"_Yes Bryce…it is…"_

_I tried to protest again but no sound was omitting from my mouth…I was silenced. Silenced into despair, as I had to go through the torture witnessing one of my greatest fears unravelling before my very eyes._

"_Such a shame my daughter couldn't give birth to a reincarnated Old God…Oh how proud I would have been" _

_Before I could figure out which parent had spoken that, the child finally turned its head around unnaturally…leaving its body still facing towards Alistair and Morrigan, and their gaze followed suit. _

_I was horrified. It's pupils were empty voids, resembling the very empty abyss that symbolised it's lack of soul…it's skin, was grotesque, pieces of dried and flaking skin forming into the scales of which belonged to a dragon. _

_I tried to run away, run away from the abomination I saw before me. But my father would not let me go._

_The child opened its mouth, and cast out of it was a purple flame, hurling towards me and blinding my view…the last thing I felt was disappointment before its scorch hit me and took over my senses…_


	8. Bittersweet

I felt the sensation of warms hands tracing circles on my stomach in a slow and romantic movement, winding down towards my thigh, followed by a soft caress…and the feeling of a kiss.

"Good morning my love"

I opened my eyes but everything seemed blurry, unusual shapes were surrounding my vision. Trying to figure out where I ended up I blinked rapidly, and my eyes came to focus on the same face that I saw mere moments ago…but this time it was smiling in adoration.

"Alistair…?" Realising my position lying in the bed, with him next to me in our bed chambers notified my conscience that the frightening and heart wrenching event that unfolded before me was just…a dream. But I couldn't stop my mind from mulling over Alistair's words…

Sensing that Alistair noticed my confusion my lips met his as he gave me a soft and tender kiss.

"What's wrong Elissa? Tell me" He softly pleaded, stopping the gentle traces that gave me comfort.

I sighed in protest, and just led there…staring at the ceiling, a fete I had become accustomed too. _How do I even start to ask something like this? What should I say?_ My mind pondered, filling with vast questions that couldn't be answered until I eventually ask Alistair…ask him about the issue concerning…an heir.

"Would you…" My eyes started to sting as I felt my voice falter. _No…keep on going. You can do this. You can ask him because you trust him. _Alistair sat up in bed facing me, keeping all of the attention from his amber eyes upon me. I found the courage to stare back at him…and proceeded with my dread "Would you still love me, even if I can't give birth to an heir due to the taint?" Seeing his brown knot in confusion caused me to burst into tears, echoing off of the bedroom walls. I just led there, and cried for what seemed like hours until Alistair lifted me up and held me in his arms…shushing me. We were there for a while, my head resting upon the soft skin of his chest. I drank in his scent, lulling me to hush my cries, until finally no more than a soft whimper was heard.

"What on earth caused you to think such nonsense?" Alistair implored, a sense of concern etching his tone as he bought me level to his face. "Has Arl Eamon said anything to you? Threatened you!? If so I will go find him now and…"

"No. No he hasn't Alistair…it's not that."

Alistair's brows further furrowed more into confusion, "Then what? Well?"

Seeking a good enough answer in my head was unsuccessful, then again…what was deemed a good answer to this? Taking a deep breath I managed to steady myself as I crossed my legs to get more comfortable on the mattress.

"Partly it's due to me being silly again and worrying…but also about the other dream I had…but this time it was so real…"

"Did you try doing what I told you to do?" Alistair asked sternly whilst taking a hold of my finger which wore the ring mother gave me.

"Yes…but it was too dark…and you were there…saying that I denied allowing you the chance for happiness, a bundle of joy…"

"And you know what I think" Alistair snapped back, swiftly pulling me back into an embrace "That it was a dream…that it's ALL lies. That it wasn't me saying those horrid things. Just your fears. My hope and chance for happiness has been achieved by having you with me, and being by my side until the Maker takes me."

Before I could reply Alistair took my lips with his, pressing onto them with so much passion I hadn't felt before. My heart swelled with joy as his tongue etched further into my mouth. Urging on to display his love for me physically and I could only respond to this pleasant sensation. I was filled with so much passion, lust and restraint and his kiss fuelled me on to straddle his hips, until he broke the kiss.

I looked at him with a disappointed frown as he grinned at me once again. _I will never grow tired of that grin_.

"Patience" He said with amusement and chuckled "You didn't let me finish what I was saying as per usual."

Giving him a playful prod on his shoulder I sat back down in the same position before, and waited for him to continue…the air once more turning serious again.

"I know the one thing you'd love most in the world would be to give me an heir, and that you think it's the solution to give me the chance of happiness. But my chance of happiness has already been achieved, to be with you for the rest of my living days until the Maker shall take me away. The fact is I knew that there would be a problem concerning an heir due to us both being Grey Wardens and carrying the taint with us before I decided to become engaged to you, taking our relationship further. Despite this, I will always love you. Yes I'd be absolutely delighted if we managed to conceive. But if not, it's just another obstacle life throws us that we need to go through and move on. As a result, I will name Bann Teagan as the next heir to the throne, alongside any children he produces. If he doesn't, then it's his duty to find the next heir. The taint, an heir, does not influence the amount of love I have and feel for you. I love you for who you are, and I always will."

Tears filled up my eyes, but this time they were tears of joy, and I swear I could see a tear trickling down Alistair's face. Moving closer towards his face I kissed his cheek, catching his tear in my lips, moving them to kiss his lips again, travelling up towards his forehead. "I love you" I whispered, as I held his face in my hands, appreciating every moment I had with him, causing a small smile on his face. "And…I'm sorry. I'm sorry for pressing all my troubles on you."

"Shh" Alistair said abruptly, as brought his finger to my lips in order to silence me. "I'm soon to be your husband…it's what I'm here for"

I laughed, and so did Alistair. "There wasn't anything else was there…in your dream?"

My mind flashed back towards the image of Morrigan, my parents…and the result of the dark ritual…the purple flame…those soulless black eyes. I shook it off, "Nope" I said whilst smiling, the first proper smile I must have felt within a long time.

Alistair nodded and smiled back again, followed by getting himself up and dressed for a new day. As he moved about the bedroom getting himself organised I led face first onto the sheet in which he lay, and took in his familiar scent, my grin growing even wider as I smiled to myself.

_Everything is going to be okay…_

Warm breath started to caress and surround the top of my head, followed by a quick kiss. "I will see you soon; Eamon is willing to discuss with me the security plans for our wedding alongside my favourite…Antivan Elf." His voice took on a more disgusted tone.

I chuckled as I heard his footsteps go off into the distance with the door creaking open. I pulled myself up again and quickly ran over to him before he left the room, jumping to embrace him, clinging on to him as much as I could.

"Thank you." I whispered into his chest, looking up to him.

He smiled and placed a kiss on top of my nose, bidding me farewell. After the door shut the room seemed miserably cold and empty, until I noticed steam coming towards the bath chamber. I moved towards the doorway, and there in front of me I saw a bath filled with hot steaming water, embellished with rose and lavender petals floating on the water's surface.

_He knows me too well. _Letting go of the bed sheet that surrounded me I ran towards the bath, but noticing its heat I decided to step into it slowly. Its warmth soothed my muscles as the emotional pain was gently washed away. Finally lying in the bath I propped my head against the head rest, and began to think once more of my wedding…all of the little details. Table a centrepiece for the tables…appetisers…flowers…favours…the list went on and on…and I sank lower and lower into the water…its surface coming level to my mouth so I could almost taste the sweet scent of the flowers…sending me into bliss…until I was fully engulfed…pretending I was a sort of mermaid. Something I'd frequently do in my child hood.

I started to rise back up for some air…however something or someone was stopping me from doing so. I kicked and screamed. Reaching my hands out of the water I tried to pull myself up using the sides of the bath…only to be met by something cold. What felt like cold, callous and rough hands took a hold of mine, and threw them back into the water, pushing my head further down and down. My body writhed as I caused the water to bubble from more of my desperate screams. Images of Morrigan flashed through my mind and her child…as I sank lower…and lower…to the bottom of the bath.


	9. Heavy

**Author's note: Once again thank you so much to everyone taking their time to read my story :) it gives me so much satisfaction to see you are enjoying it. Here in this chapter, things escalate :P Enjoy.**

I felt myself being dragged, dragged by a force I did not know, and then I remembered…the bath tub…the feeling of callous flesh…suffocation. This could NOT have been a dream.

I felt my conscience somehow resurface, my ears recognising the jostle of the usual movement of servants around the castle, running this way and that. My ear drums started to buzz and pop, making me hear the next sounds of shocked and frightened gasps. My mind was in the darkness, as if I was blinded by death, as if I was still asleep...

The next sensation I felt was my body plummeting…down and down…

Snapping my eyes upon I could finally visualise the real world. But why was I in here? Looking around the room a desk was littered with parchments and a quill, shelves containing very old but factual books, lit candles so old that the wax had over dripped onto their containers, obviously unlooked after…and I was placed in the centre of this room, looking down I noticed I had been placed on an antique rocking chair, my feet dangling off of it so I couldn't touch the floor, like a child. Apparently I had dressed myself in my nightdress again, but why did I find it necessary to come into this room? Also, why with bare feet?

Ah…those must be my shoes!

Looking further up a pair of leather but light boots were standing in front of me. However…these boots had a pair of legs…and a body which was wearing studded leather armour…tracing my eyes upwards, up until I reached its face I noticed that it was in fact Leliana standing in front of me, her arms were crossed, her foot tapping with impatience whilst she directed a scowl fuelled with rage towards me.

She forcibly grabbed my hand, her knuckles turning white she was gripping on so hard. I let out a yelp as my fingers began to crush under the weight of her strength, and she shoved me back into an upright position on the rocking chair, causing me to sway back and forth, she didn't speak for a moment, eyeing me with caution. But as soon as the swinging stopped she began to proceed.

"You know…I've seen a few sights in the world…" She began, her tone cold. "But" sniffing, her eyes started to steam up "But never would I have expected to walk in and see one of my dearest friends attempting suicide!" Her lips quailed, the full force of her voice suddenly shouting amongst the words she had just said hit me hard, leaving me speechless…

"W-w-what?" I asked, my eyes wide with shock, my head reeling with confusion and my chest constricting as if I was about to spill hot acid from my mouth.

"Don't play the fool with me Elissa, I saw you. In the bath tub."

My eyes widened even further, she has gotten on the complete wrong end of the stick! It's not me that's confused, it's her! I wasn't trying to drown myself, I was forced! Suddenly opening my mouth I tried arguing my point and explanation, but she was having none of it. She was in hysterics.

"Deciding to stretch my legs for a bit I happened to spot Alistair down the corridor. His smile was noticeable even from a distance. I carried on, and as I walked past him my musings were true, he was smiling, smiling with true happiness that I haven't seen since his glee after your first kiss during the Blight. I had hoped you two had sorted everything out, that you had told him everything and that it was going to be fine. But it seems I was wrong. How could you do this to us!? To Alistair!?" She demanded. Her eyes set ablaze with so much anger that even the Archdemon would have trembled under.

"Leliana I…What are you doing!?"

"Putting things right." She spat, quickly reaching into her pocket and pulling out a coil of rope.

Oh, how convenient. I should have guessed. Being a bard and all she would carry such a thing for interrogations perhaps…amongst other things.

I shuddered "Is this really necessary? You haven't let me explain!"

"Yes." Leliana replied coldly. She took hold of both of my arms, and placed them behind my back, winding them around the chair. I could only laugh at her stupidity. This has to be a joke. My wrists were met with a burning sensation that made me hiss, indicating that Leliana was for sure serious, tightening the rope in a manner that made it impossible for me to escape, latching on the last length of rope onto the back of the chair. "I'm afraid it is. I can't let you do anything else that's completely stupid and insane. I need to be sure that you're safe when I go and fetch Alistair. He needs to know"

My eyes felt as if they were going it burst out of their sockets and my heart started convulsing against my ribcage, causing a deafening drum that resembled the pounding of drums in a battle. Panicking I started to hyperventilate, _I was wrong. At this rate everything is definitely NOT going to be okay. I had everything under control, I was going to manage, but this unnerved me. Unnerved me so much that I wanted to run away again. Alistair won't want to marry me after he hears Leliana's lies. _Between my ragged breaths I could only manage out a scream of objection "NOO!" She looked at me sympathetically this time, as if she had finally lost all hope. A flash of sadness was seen in her eyes, before she turned around…and then took her leave, slamming the door behind her and locking it, leaving me to hear the quick pace of her footsteps, causing my fears to multiply.

_I've just got to get out of here. I can't face what happens next, and what Alistair's face and reaction to this news will be like, I can't take the look of pain which will be displayed across his face, it would break my heart again, just as it was on the mend...I've disappointed everyone. I'm a complete failure. No, snap out of it Elissa Cousland, you are the Hero of Ferelden, and you have faced and defeated worse. If anything you can make this right again…and make this right I shall._

Scanning the room I tried to see if there was anything nearby to cut me loose of my bonds, but my heart sank as no such thing was in sight.

_Wait a minute…the candle! I could use the wax! Ha! _Noticing a fatal flaw in Leliana's plans to restrain myself I stood up, only half way because there was a sodding rocking chair on my back. Moving over towards the candle I used the weight of my back to sway the chair with full force in the candles direction, causing it to topple over and leak the contents of the hot wax all over my wrists. But I underestimated how hot it actually was. _Ouch_. The wax helped me to wriggle my hands, I was there for some time twisting and turning them. But after each twist and turn the ropes hold became loose, until I was eventually free from their grasp. I was successful for once, and I gently lowered the rocking chair off of my back until it quietly hit the floor, I didn't want Leliana to stop me.

Quickly making the most of my freedom before Leliana made her way back with Alistair in tow, I ran over towards the desk with the mounds of parchments, grabbing the plainest one I could find. With the quill I sprayed a quick message of reassurance, but not one which would give away my location. _I'm not that stupid. _

Satisfied with the hint I took it in my hand, and moving the rocking chair back into the centre of the room from which I had regained consciousness I placed the message, _like an amusing magic trick. Instead of finding me, they will find the note ha-ha!_

_I am going to set things right, to the place that will allow me to do this. I won't let anyone stop me. _Using my tricks as a rogue I went into stealth mode, and opened the door. With an air of confidence and willingness to set things right I slyly headed towards the direction of the stables.


	10. Dread

**Hey Everyone, so the next few chapters aren't from Elissa's pov anymore, but we will hear from her again...or will we? ;) By the way I noticed a slight typo, I was so tired staying up late the other night trying to finish it when I noticed I forgot to include the part how Elissa escaped, because y'know Leliana locked the door...anyway what i was meant to put was that she used the quill to pick the inside of the locks, and it turns out it was successful.**

**I hope you enjoy this next chapter, once again feedback is always appreciated :)**

Making sure the door was secure enough, Leliana wound the key around the lock a few times until she was convinced it was indeed, locked.

Hearing Elissa's screams of anguish and fear truly broke her heart, nonetheless Alistair needed to know the severity of the situation, he has a right. Sighing, Leliana withdrew the key from the lock and placed it into her pocket.

In an attempt to steel her nerves and put the situation in as much control as it could, she took a deep breath and stood their aimlessly in the middle of the corridor, wondering how Alistair's face would drop with dread the moment she ushered Elissa's name upon her lips, his emotions…which at times had gotten the better of him.

Leliana shook her head "It's too late to think of that now" she whispered to herself, gathering up every morsel of courage and reason for her actions as she could "The damage has been done, if this doesn't get sorted then it never will" Putting on an air of confidence and conjuring the many skills she possessed as a bard, one of which was acting, she proceeded down the many winding corridors towards the chamber she last went into for Elissa's wedding dress fitting with Mr Prétentieux which Zevran had mentioned to her earlier that day.

"Is this all really necessary?" Alistair moaned, rolling his eyes. He knew it was his duty, but he did find meetings rather dull due to being a King, all stuffed together in one room. Especially with Zevran. All three of them, being Eamon, Zevran and himself were hunched over a grand oak table, reviewing the initial floor plans for the wedding, seating arrangements etc. to visualise where guards were needed for maximum protection against a potential threat. "I will do anything to protect Elissa, even risk my own life if needs be, but don't you think having too many guards scattered around would just draw more attention? Plus causing worry to the guests?" his eyes scanning the plots for stationed guards. There were so many it looked like a rather big child's 'join the dot to the dot' game. Alistair chuckled to himself.

"We cannot risk the life of the King of Ferelden to an attempted assassination. Being a big social event it is, and of the King's, it is possible." Eamon tried his best to explain calmly, yet he couldn't help from snapping, Alistair was beginning to gradually get on his nerves as of late.

Alistair was abruptly snapped out of his contemplations, his blood immediately turning cold. "And what about Elissa?" he boomed, staring daggers towards Eamon across the table "You know…protecting the future Queen…the bride…add in the Hero of Ferelden…obviously no one of importance to you, or have you overlooked those facts?"

The hall was deafened with silence…as Alistair and Eamon stood their staring at each other. Both unwilling to break eye contact. Eamon's stance stiffened as Alistair shouted those words towards him, his shoulders rose up as he placed his hands behind his back, attempting to compose himself in that oh so snooty posture and manner Alistair couldn't stand.

For a moment, Alistair thought he saw a look of regret in Eamon's eyes, a flash of soft emotion. Yet it was quickly gone as Eamon coughed to continue speaking. Just as he was about to offer an explanation he was unfortunately interrupted by Zevran. Well, unfortunately for Alistair but fortunate for Eamon.

"Do you know nothing of my time and tactics as a crow?" Zevran broke the silence "The guards will obviously be disguised to avoid that issue, and besides don't worry about dear Elissa, Alistair…I'll make sure she's well-guarded" he flirted, offering a wink to Alistair.

"Oh great…" Alistair huffed "That's all I need." If Zevran could do something that irritated Alistair even more, well this was it… Alistair looked around the hall with a curious eye "Anyway, why isn't Leliana here going over this with us? If there's anyone more suited to the job then it's her."

Alistair's questions were answered when the door immediately flew open, there showing the bard that was in question. Alistair smiled "Ah, speaking of the devil" but his smile was quickly erased as he noted the look on Leliana's face, her eyes stained with tears, her cheeks flushed with scarlet as she bit her lips uncontrollably "What on earth is the matter? Leliana?"

She proceeded to walk towards the three of them in a slow manner, footsteps one after the other, her body seeming like she carried a heavy weight…a heavy burden "It's Elissa" Leliana spoke softly through the breaks in her throat, trying to force down the tears as she placed a hand on Alistair's shoulder, staring directly into her eyes.

Through that, Alistair immediately knew something was wrong. Never did Leliana give her emotions away so easily, even only slightly to Elissa.

Alistair's gut instincts took over "Eamon. Leave" if there was one person he didn't want present in the room whilst discussing Elissa, it was him. Alistair knew of Elissa's concerns against Eamon, drawing upon their earlier discussion also, and if Eamon heard anything bad concerning Elissa it would only add fuel to the fire. And he wouldn't allow that.

Eamon grumbled, his patience wearing thin "Alistair, we need to finish the security plans…we cannot ri—"

"I said LEAVE" Alistair screamed, nearly knocking everyone off of their feet. Alistair was even surprised at himself and how he managed to seem that threatening. Still, he didn't regret it. He rather enjoyed it, watching Eamon lose. On that note Eamon bowed his head in defeat, and slowly made his way out of the room, creating as much attention as he could before he left, the guards closing the doors straight after his departure, scared to also be the cause for Alistair's wrath.

"Thank you Alistair…" Leliana spoke, still at a whisper full of pain. "I know how Elissa feels about Eamon and, I don't want to cause any worry."

Alistair's eyes widened further…and Leliana saw Zevran's posture tighten with concern from the corner of her eye "Well I think it's a bit too late for that" sneered Zevran, his hands moving towards the hilt of his sword, cautious of an impending attack that Leliana was about to reveal.

Alistair's grip tightened on Leliana's shoulder, his eyes pleading Leliana to continue.

Finding no way how to tell the news she was about to reveal, Leliana decided to instead just spill it out, enough damage would continue if not "I caught Elissa, trying…to drown herself, in her bath."


	11. Tension

"Well…I've heard of drowning your sorrows…but isn't that taking it too far?" Zevran joked, trying to diffuse the tension, he usually found this a good tactic to hide his real emotions…emotions he didn't want anyone to know about.

"WHAT!?" Alistair cried, his body feeling numb. _But everything was fine when I left her, more than fine…_his whole world started to collapse again… "Please tell me you're joking?" Alistair pleaded, searching Leliana's eyes for any sign for reassurance…however he found none, and Leliana stood their dumbfounded, unable to speak, too afraid to make the situation any worse.

Alistair buried his face within his hands, attempting to block out what he was hearing, trying to stop the room from spinning. His palms were wet, his chest was heaving, and before he knew it he felt the teardrops flow, further burying his face within his hands.

"Are…you sure Leliana? That our dear Warden would do such a thing?" Enquired Zevran, slightly giving some emotion away this time, his voice breaking with concern.

"Yes." Leliana responded bluntly "I would not lie about such a thing, she is my dear friend. I knew what I saw."

Alistair's face re-emerged from his hands, his eyes bloodshot, his cheeks stained with emotion. Before the other two could get a word in edgeways he bounded towards the door in a hurried sprint, desperate to find Elissa.

Zevran raised an eyebrow "Well?"

Leliana immediately ran after Alistair, using her speed as a rogue to out run him, skidding in front of him, grabbing his arm as he reached out to open the doors. "I locked her in one of the spare rooms and tied her to a chair. Believe me Alistair when I say yes, it does sound drastic…but I had to prevent her from doing anything else reckless and dangerous. On your best interests at heart."

Alistair's face grew cold with emotion, dread filling his senses in every muscle of his body "Where…" was the only word he managed to muster, and he felt weak, weaker than ever.

Leliana reached for his hand, and moved it off of the door knob "Follow me."

Both immediately swung the doors open, and ran towards the location of Elissa's whereabouts, leaving Zevran standing alone in the middle of the room. He didn't want to admit his feelings out loud, but he couldn't help feeling concerned, after all…especially carrying certain emotions for the soon to be Queen…

He tried to distract himself, and looked over the security plans for the wedding, scanning the plans he was satisfied, and planned where he would place certain people: including himself and Leliana. But his mind could not wander off his concern about Elissa, and so…giving into temptation…he ran in the same direction Leliana and Alistair appeared to have ran off, thoughts whirling through his mind as he did so.

* * *

If he didn't know it…Alistair was very much overtaking Leliana on their rush to Elissa. He was filled with so much adrenaline, so much emotion that censored all of the pain he had felt in his body. His mind was doing somersaults. His forehead dripping with beads of sweat. His anxieties rising as he and Leliana traipsed the winding corridors, which seemed to go on forever. Finally, to his relief, Leliana stopped dead in her tracks, and he followed suit.

"Here" Leliana whispered, moving to the other side of the corridor towards an ominous wooden door.

Alistair couldn't speak, he could only stare at the door, as if it was burning due to his glare. He wanted to see Elissa, and he wanted to see her NOW.

The lock clicked, as Leliana finished twisting and turning the key. "That's strange…it was too easy to open."

Realising the door was now able to open, Alistair and Leliana rushed in, but what they found, was not what they were expecting.

"Maker!" Lelianna gasped, as her an Alistair were faced with an empty room, with no living person inside whatsoever.

"Are you SURE this is the right room!?" Alistair demanded, pacing back and forth, desperately looking in every nook and cranny to find Elissa's whereabouts, throwing books off the shelves, just to ease his pent up frustration.

"Why yes!" Leliana said, ducking from a book that flew over the top of her head. "See. Here's the rope I tied her in, and the rocking chair…and…a note…oh Maker have mercy, she couldn't have escaped! How could she have…?"

Alistair paused amongst his searching, piles of books swamping around his feet "A note!? Let me see!" Dragging himself out of the mess he made, he leapt towards the armchair and immediately grabbed the note, his hands shaking as he unfolded it, whilst Leliana inspected the mystery of Elissa's departure.

Alistair's eyes quickly skimmed the message with a confused look upon his face "It says…I've gone to face my demons."

Alistair heard the door creak behind him, turning around he saw Leliana, holding what seemed like a quill in her hand which she was twirling.

"Oh for goodness sake Leliana… you should have known that was a possibility. Gah!" Leliana sighed with desperation, slapping her cheek in order to scold her stupidity.

"She used the quill as a lock pick I take it?" Alistair said half amused, yet obviously the other half concerned. His mind was desperately trying to figure out what Elissa had meant…_face…demons._

Leliana threw the quill to the ground in desperation, and moved to inspect the lock "Yes…it seems so. Damn it, my reputation as a bard fails me. However, her reputation as the skilled 'Hero of Ferelden' does not."

Suddenly, like a candle being lit, Alistair's mind found the answer, and he briskly strode out of the room in order to not waste another second of time.

Leliana felt the rush of air brush past her, looking up from the lock she saw Alistair striding out of the room with such determination in her eyes, it reminded her of the blight not long ago, and ran after Alistair into the corridor "Where are you going!?"

Alistair span around "We must gather up a party. Send word to Zevran and Oghren to meet in the stables. We're going to Highever." His voice was steered by so much determination, which reminded Leliana why Elissa chose Alistair to be King in the first place. A stark contrast from his broken self, earlier on.

Leliana was confused at the desired destination "Highever? Why would we want to go…ah" she nodded in agreement, Highever. _Elissa has obviously chosen that choice…to face her past…hence face her demons…that haunt her...Castle Cousland._

Alistair gave a quick nod "We have no time to waste" and span back around. Marching off to make preparations.

Leliana looked to her right, "I hope…we make it" she said with her eyes turning soft, whilst staring at the empty rocking chair in the breeze Elissa was restrained in.


	12. Truth

Just as Leliana was about to set off to find Oghren and Zevran, she needn't have bothered. As soon as she turned around Zevran slowed down to a halt, coming mere inches away from her. She could see the pain in his eyes, subtle yet for a bard, to her it was apparent.

His face turned to an expression of pent up anger and frustration, Leliana knew of his feelings towards Elissa, and knew that nothing could come of it. Instead, she watched Zevran slip into the shadows, where he concealed his feelings, and became ever colder. Yet, this emotion was the first glimpse of raw pain she saw, since Elissa chose Alistair over him back in the blight.

Zevran's eyes met Leliana's as he finished glancing at the empty rocking chair, and they transformed into the sharp stare he commonly used whilst observing an enemy and its weak points, ready for the assault. Leliana subconsciously placed a hand on her hip, a relaxed stance to him, but Leliana knew of her small dagger that laid under her leather armour, and the precautions she may need to take to calm Zevran down if things got out of hand.

"So, you've known of Elissa's disposition for quite some time, no? Why didn't you tell anyone? Why didn't you tell…me?" For a moment, Leliana thought she saw a flash of pleading in Zevran's face, but it quickly turned back towards his infamous defensive glare yet again, his eyelids forming slits.

"Zevran…I'"

"Does Alistair know?" Zevran whispered, perhaps hurt from emotional pain Leliana thought, or he was hatching some kind of scheme, she could never truly tell with Zevran. Yes, he was a master of disguise when it came to his emotions, but there were mere glimpses of emotion that he let slip through unknowingly that only Leliana could spot.

Zevran's shoulders dropped, whilst he dropped his head, and let out a small sigh.

"She didn't want anyone to know" Leliana continued. "Not even Alistair. She was worried to say the least, I only found out as I chased her down the corridor not long ago, if that was you then you may be in my position now. But it was me, and she was eventually going to tell Alistair, that's if she didn't get any better. But I do fear for the worst now."

Zevran lifted his head back up, his face cold "As do I, now. 'Tis better I know" he crossed his arms "What's the plan of action? I take it you and Alistair have hatched some kind of scheme." His tone turned venomous. If Leliana didn't know any better, she would say Zevran sounded a little jealous.

Leliana nodded "Alistair has ordered me to gather yourself and Oghren, and meet him in the stables. We're going to Highever, that's where we believe Elissa may have gone."

Zevran chuckled harshly "So, he's finally acting the role of a King"

Leliana chose to ignore it, and instead chose to act on her gut feeling. She knew Zevran was used to tracking down his targets as an assassin back in his days as a Crow, and sought out an ideal opportunity for him to prevent any further harm to Elissa. However, she didn't think it was wise…

"Zevran" said Leliana, moving closer towards him, making her voice just a whisper "I have a proposition for you"

"Oh?" Zevran asked, his brows raising with interest.

"Yes" Leilana looked around the corridor they were standing in, and made sure no one was near enough to hear her plan, especially Alistair. "When we are all prepared and are about to leave, I want you to gallop ahead, and track down Elissa, follow her tracks to wherever she is, and intervene. I know you'd be able to do this. Despite her being an excellent rogue, she hasn't gained the skill of stealth regards to her tracks."

Zevran smirked, his heart rose a little in anticipation and adrenaline, oh how he had missed this "Of course, my dear Leliana."

"Good" Leliana nodded, "The sooner we can intervene the better, I just don't want Alistair to know before hand, in case he gets jealous and tries to stop us. However, for the time being we must press on and gather Oghren, and head towards meeting Alistair in the stables."

Both rogues went into stealth mode, and made their way down the corridor towards finding Oghren, heading for the most likely place that would contain some alcoholic beverages…

* * *

"That damn boy." Eamon muttered, slamming his fist on the desk, causing the vast majorities of its contents crashing to the floor. "To think he can order me about, telling me what to do. When I gave that petty child his LIFE."

Eamon paced the room, in an effort to calm down his nerves, venting out his emotions usually did the trick, but hearing them echo to himself in his empty study only fuelled the fire. However, he continued to pace, and after about twenty minutes he paused in his tracks, and made an effort to distract himself, walking towards the mess he created on his floor.

Kneeling down, Eamon placed each parchment with important documentation onto his desk. He then started to pick up each salve he had purchased from a collection dating years back, herbs for digestion in a little white box, honey in a jar for a sore throat, and so on so forth. But there, in the midst of his findings, lay a small, black vial, shrouded in ice yet warm to the touch.

Sounds of horses neighing, objects clattering around and chatter came from outside the window. He stood back up, and went towards it. Looking down, he saw the uual culprits: Oghren, the mysterious red haired girl, Zevran who's stench of leather made Eamon's stomach turn, and Alistair, mounting their horses.

Eamon smiled menacingly whilst observing the four from the window "Only time will tell" he spoke to himself, raising the black vial and admiring its enticement.


	13. Journey

**Author's note: Hey guys, sorry it's another short chapter again, but we're heading towards the action :)! Once again thank you so much for viewing and reading my story, it makes me so happy. Enjoy :). **

"Whyyy…are we hereee again..na?" Oghren belched, staggering as he did so, leaning against one of the stable posts, trying to steady himself.

Leliana whacked Oghren on the head, in an attempt to sober him up "To meet Alistair…to gather our horses and be on our way to find Elissa! Do you not remember!?"

"Ow! There aint no need for that." Oghren muttered under his breath, rubbing the spot on his head where Leliana bashed him.

Zevran stood in the corner of the stables away from the two, sharpening his blade rigorously, preparing for an unprecedented attack he might come across on his tracking "Whilst we're here, we best gather up the horses my dear comrades yes?" He liked to be alone whilst readying himself for an individual task, it gave him time to collect his thoughts and run through his plan for action, whatever the cost.

Although it looked small on the outside, inside the stables was a different story. Hundreds upon hundreds of horses were lined up in individual sections, categorised by breed and colour. You could certainly tell this was a stables fit for a King.  
Unfortunately the smell wasn't that all pleasant "Phew" Oghren said amongst belching for the second time, moving closer towards the air near Leliana "Leliana you nug humping bard, you could have washed before we went…huh-huh… te-he."

Leliana immediately went red in the face, her scarlet cheeks envying the even brightest red rose you could find.

From the distance, Zevran heard another slap, followed by a yelp and more grumbling.

"It's the horses Oghren!" Leliana shouted. "In case you've forgotten we are in the stables!"

"Heh heh sorry, I need some fresh air." Oghren pulled himself off of one of the stable posts, and plodded towards the open door giving entry into the stable, luckily for him it was very close, and he breathed in the fresh air of the evening.

Zevran came closer towards the two, pulling three brown horses by each of their reigns. He may look slightly on the smaller side for being an elf, but he did have a lot of strength. The horses he had selected were probably for the best anyway, they were quiet and tame, ordinary looking so they didn't draw attention.

"Alistair not here yet?" Zevran enquired, as he tied the three reigns to a post, securing it so the horses wouldn't wander off. His brows knitting with tension once again.

"No." Leliana replied whilst counting the number of horses. "Why only three?" She asked, moving her head towards their direction.

Zevran looked at Leliana and then at Oghren, who was still swaying by the door.

"Ah." Leliana thought. _Looks like Oghren will be riding with me…yay._

Their conversation was immediately interrupted by no other than Oghren, shouting as usual. "AH! Well if it isn't the sodding King of Ferelden! Its 'bout time you showed up."

Alistair came slipped through the stable door, it's a wonder how Oghren managed to notice him as Alistair chose to wear typical breeches and a linen shirt, covered with a black cape to conceal his identity. Then again, it was Oghren…and nobody really knew or wanted to know what was going on inside his head.

Alistair looked disgusted at Oghren's behaviour "Do you want us to be found out?" he hissed.

"Sorry Warden, you just took a while. But don't mind me, I like the smell of fresh air."

Alistair could hardly say the air surrounding Oghren was fresh…it was more of a brewery smell than anything.  
He moved towards Zevran and Leliana, obviously they were sober enough to understand the plan of action. "I was trying to find out as much information as possible from a bewildered guard."

Both Zevran and Leliana looked at each other with a puzzled look upon their faces. Alistair sighed and carried on with his explanation "I sneaked around the surrounding watching posts in order to see how many guards we may have to slip past. There was only three in the area on watch, but they looked rather engrossed in deep conversation. I heard mumbles of their discussion amongst words such as "ghost" and "pale lady". Intrigued, I decided to confront them, but obviously in disguise. The poor sods were too frightened to recognise me and who I was, they must have taken me for the keeper of the stables or something. They immediately jumped and turned around facing me as soon as I started walking towards them. Anyway, long story short they apparently saw in the distance, a woman in a white dress with matted hair slip into the stables, and not seconds after gallops out of the gates, so fast they couldn't trace her whereabouts."

"Elissa." Leliana bluntly stated.

Alistair nodded "That's what I thought also, and here I am."

"I quickly dressed her in a nightgown after I saw her…lying there." Leliana gulped "Her hair was obviously matted and wet from the water."

Alistair frowned "Zevran, what are you doing?"

The Antivan elf mounted one of the three horses, and adjusted himself in the saddle "By my calculations we don't have a lot of time. Best we go now."

Alistair moved and mounted the horse next to him "I was just about to say that, thank you very much."

Leliana ushered Oghren over, and helped him onto the other horse, immediately swinging herself up and positioning herself behind Oghren so he didn't fall off, knowing him and his folk, they weren't very used to horses.

Alistair took the lead of the party and quietly led them out of the stables, slowing the horses down to a muffled trot. He glanced around, and when it was all clear with no signs of guards he beckoned the others to follow him, successfully leading them out of the back gate, which led onto plains.

"How do you know we're going the right way?" Leliana whispered from behind, closely following Alistair.

"Because I asked the guards of course. Besides whenever I've had to make a certain meetings with nobles up north I take this route, Eamon insists in order for my protection, but it also conveniently leads to Highever." Alistair replied scanning the plains in front of him. They were out of ear shot, successfully leaving the palace grounds without being spotted.

Just before Alistair was about to order the horse into a gallop, Zevran rushed past the three and galloped off into the distance, making no effort to look behind.

Alistair was angry, more than angry. Even Leliana sense the rage radiating off of his body as his back muscles tensed up. "I told him to track down Elissa."

Alistair steered the horse around to face Leliana, his face had always easily given away his emotions, and from what Leliana saw was a face full of hurt and betrayal, his lip quivering with fear and disgust. He had always been jealous of the bond between Zevran and Elissa, even though Elissa had chosen him. And Leliana knew her decision would hurt Alistair, but it was for the best "He's done this before Alistair. He should be able to track her down far more quickly than us, and if he does then there's a quicker chance of finding Elissa and bringing her back safely."

Alistair sighed and nodded, a defeated look was cast upon his face.

Leliana trotted her horse beside Alistair's and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. "Let's go" she offered a smile, and ordered her horse into a gallop, waking Oghren up from his sleep as she did so.

Alistair positioned his horse back around, but paused for a moment. Lifting his head up he gazed into the night sky, watching the starts glisten in harmony. _Maker I pray that this time, everything will be alright. _And with that, he set off into the distance.


	14. Confront

**Author's note: Hi guys, we're back to Elissa's POV! So sorry for taking a while to upload another chapter, I've been so busy preparing for University as I move in this Saturday eek. But I promise to carry on this story, you have my word. Thank you so much for taking your time to view my story! Please leave a review & don't be shy as I welcome any criticism :)  
Enjoy!**

The cool flushes of the night's breeze pounding against my skin, the dried earth filling my senses, the faint glow of the night's stars up above lighting the way, the beats of a horses gallop.

I haven't felt this free in a long time.

But now I'm heading back to the place that's held me back in sorrow.

I was going to Highever.

If I wanted to be totally free, then this was it. I needed to visit the scene of utter distraught brought upon the foundations of my life. If I cling to it, how will I move on? Yet it is not easy. It's not easy to get rid of the haunting that crushes my life's joy.

My hands felt sore from gripping the horse's reins, my skin burning against the rope. The pressing of cold metal against my skin averted my gaze towards the ring my mother gave me, it was still on my finger. I smiled down upon it, it gave me comfort in an odd way…but I felt dizzy, rather dizzy…

The horse I was riding jumped over a slight ditch in the dusty highway, probably from where a tree had caused so much trouble with its roots that it was pulled down. The horses back from the jump bumped against my forehead, and I jumped out of my daze, bringing my attention to the stars glistening in the night sky…such a sight to be seen, after so much darkness and despair the blight brought along, there is still some beauty left in this world. Their harmonious movements cast lulling glows among the dark clouds of the evening, it was quite romantic really…I immediately thought of Alistair, and felt an overwhelming sense of guilt over my shoulders…_I hope he's alright…he must understand…everything will be okay…right?_

* * *

_The camp was quiet, our mission of saving the circle of magi alongside Connor was completed, and successful. Only one more ally and their aid was needed to be collected in order for us to march to Denerim for the landsmeet. Everyone was tired physically, and drained mentally. Morrigan went straight towards her little handmade camp away from the rest of us, she was rather agitated from suffering the critiques received from Wynne, who didn't approve of her use of magic or apostate nature. Zevran, Leliana and the others all collapsed into their bed rolls, whilst Oghren slurped one of the ales he had stolen from Arl Eamon's study._

_I stood in the middle of the camp, looked around and chuckled. Just another day it seemed. Another task completed. But how many more to go? I wondered…looking around I couldn't see Alistair, he had been rather distant on our way back from Redcliffe._

_My mind went off from the thought of Alistair as my shoulders immediately began to hurt from the strain of battling the amounts of blood mages, abominations…not to mention Uldred and his grotesque creatures he had conjured up. I didn't care if I was hungry or thirsty either, I needed to relax, and I knew just the place…_

_I walked past my tent, but made a quick stop to unload some of the trinkets I had found on our journey, alongside my two swords that were digging into my back. I kept my small knife on me though, under my leather armour, in case I came into contact with any trouble…and headed towards the small forest that met the outskirts of our camp._

_Stumbling through the vast bushes containing elf roots amongst strange forest flowers of a white color yet tinged with yellow, I came closer towards my haven, my hiding place, and the place I came to unwind and mull over my thoughts…about everything. It was a small pool, which ran off from a lake which its water entwined amongst the whole connection of trees through the forest. The evening was the best time to come here, the waves danced with the stars in the night's sky, their glow radiating off of the pools surface. The trees secluded it from the camp, and that's why I liked it. My hiding place. Everyone was either too tired or too concerned about their own problems and issues to venture off exploring like me. But I guess, everyone deals with their circumstances in different ways._

_Wanting to be in this magnificent pool, I stripped off my leather armour and left it falling onto the soft moss. I was left only in my underwear with a loose white linen shirt covering my upper half. Looking around me I checked to see if I was truly alone before being disturbed or further embarrassed, satisfied…I took the plunge, and dived into the pool._

_Yes, despite the initial shock of it being absolutely freezing, it felt blissful, its smoothness gliding past my body as I further submerged myself in the water, swimming this way and that, until my body decided I needed its regular supply of oxygen. _

_The moonlight lit my way to the surface, and my face was met with the caress of the evening's cool breeze. My hair was fully soaked, but it felt refreshing to feel clean, and I pulled all of my hair back, away from my face. _

_I heard the sound of twigs snapping and I turned around, followed by a quick "Ehem..." _

_Alistair stumbled out of the bushes, his face brushing past one of the many twigs, "Ouch."_

"_Alistair?" My heart rose "What are you doing here?"_

_Finally making his way out of the bushes, he stood at the edge of the pool, still in his armor His cheeks reddened as he laid his eyes upon me "Um…I came to find you…and here I am" He replied, his hand moving towards the back of his neck, something he always used to do when he was nervous. _

_Suddenly I became aware of my disposition, standing in the middle of a pool of water with only my undergarments on…my cheeks mirrored his and I sank myself lower into the water "Oh…um…ok, give me a second." I began to make my way out of the water but he stopped me from doing so._

"_No Wait." Alistair pleaded, kicking off his boots "I'll come to you."_

_Puzzled, I stood there in the middle of the water, waiting to see what he would do._

_After kicking off his boots, he moved his hands to unclasp his armor first his chest piece, which clanged to the ground and revealed his chest, covered in the many traces of where blades hat met his skin from various battles of darkspawn among some of his sweat gathered from the heat of wearing the armor I must admit, I didn't mind where this was going. _

_After removing all of his armor he was left only in his brown cloth breeches, leaving his torso bare. Hesitating at first from the cold he finally submerged himself in the water, and strode his way towards me. My heart started to beat faster and faster the closer he got to me, that familiar butterfly feeling in the pit of my stomach arose once again. _

_He finally stopped in front of me, his chest heaving up and down from being out of breath "Here…finally" He said, looking down on me with a soft smile._

_I crossed my hands over my chest "So…why did you need to find me?" This was going to be interesting._

_His cheeks grew even redder "I just wanted to thank you…for today"_

"_Oh?" I quirked an eyebrow "That was quite a way to come just to thank someone" A smirk grew on my lips, I love it when Alistair gets nervous._

_His face went serious, and my smirk stopped. "You went out of your way to save Connor, alongside the Circle of Magi…you always do what's right, what's justifiable…and with that you saved endless slaughter. Even though you didn't get much gratitude, I'm here to show you mine. You haven't had any good experiences of being a Grey Warden." _

"_I-I…Alistair" I gulped. I was not expecting this. To see so much emotion from him. "I don't know what to say…thank you." _

_He smiled, and once again, green eyes met amber, as he lifted up his hand and placed it on my cheek, rubbing it in a lovingly manner with his thumb._

_His face grew closer to mine, and I was aware of how close our faces were, mere inches apart, and our lips so close "And I came for another thing…" Alistair whispered, before pressing his lips to mine. I was taken aback obviously, but I responded. At first it was a kiss a husband would give to his wife, soft and gentle. It's as if time had just stopped, like he was pouring so much emotion into that kiss, as if it was his last dying moments. As if the darkspawn were about to take us any moment. But I yearned for that kiss, and I had dreamt of it…our first kiss, and here we are. No amount of darkspawn could tear me away. _

_Yet, I hesitated moments after, and pulled away. Placing my hands on either sides of Alistair's face I looked deep into his eyes, for an explanation into his action. Yet, there was no need for an explanation, his eyes said it all. His pupils were dilated, his lids heavy, a gaze so loving I could not look away. My fingers traced his lips, and I smiled, he responded. I wanted that moment again so much…so I went in and pulled his face to mine. Pressing onto his lips much harder than he had mine, our desire to explore each other took over our senses._

_And on that night, we shared our first kiss. Alistair and me, standing in the middle of the pool, the gentle sounds of waves. I wouldn't give up that moment for anything._

* * *

The neighing of my horse woke me up from my daze, and there…in the distance, I saw the ruins of the Cousland castle…as if it was still burning bright with blood.

My lips quivered but I continued to order the horse into a gallop…

We were here.


	15. Chase

**Author's note:Hi everyone! Yet AGAIN I am so sorry this chapter has taken forever to upload, I just didn't expect to be so busy at Uni so quickly! Hope you're still interested in this story, reviews are appreciated :) **

**Enjoy**

_Alistair gazed into her eyes across the firelight, her pupils warming his heart. He didn't realise it at first, but he was smiling across towards Elissa, who sat opposite of him within the camp. She looked up as if she felt his eyes on her, and smiled back. Mere moments passed before Elissa broke the contact, and began to stand up, shaking the leaves and dust off of her leather armor as she did so. Alistair's heart began to thump…"Right…I've got to do this" He told himself, mirroring Elissa and standing up also. "Here goes nothing" He ran a hand through his hair, and coughed ever so slightly. Elissa turned around and quirked an eyebrow towards his direction, suspicious of what the matter was. _

_He was determined to do this, if he never tried then he would never know. Life was just too short. With determination Alistair edged further towards her, his heart beating louder as he took each step. Finally, he was mere inches away from her, their faces nearly touching, Elissa's eyes gazing lovingly into Alistair's. But she saw the tension placed across his face, and her gaze turned into a puzzled look. "Alistair, what's the matter?" She asked. _

"_There's no easy way to say this" He began, his voice stuttering with embarrassment. Elissa placed her hand on Alistair's and gripped it tightly. His pulse began to break into a sprint, every feeling he felt was scary, love…but it felt right, especially with Elissa. Despite the voices in his mind urging him to stay quiet, Alistair confessed his feelings, and this time, they were more serious than ever before. "The thing is…being near you makes me crazy, I-I can't think straight, I feel as if my head's about to explode." Elissa looked taken aback by what Alistair had just said, but the look was quickly placed with a smirk and a glisten in her eyes. _

_Alistair gulped, and tightened his grip on Elissa's hand "I want to spend the night with you, here…wholly and fully. I need to show you how much I care about you…how much I adore you…I wanted to wait for the perfect moment but…who knows how long we have left…what comes around the next day…even if it will ever come around…" _

_Alistair's eyes began to feel wet, his speech was done, yet he felt emotionally drained, and nervous, nervous for her reaction and for what the future holds for them._

_Elissa moved her face even close towards Alistair, their lips nearly touching, wiping away Alistair's tears "Shh…don't speak like that, there's no need to say anymore…" And with that, Elissa pressed her lips against Alistair's, whilst his arms snaked around Elissa's waist, swiftly lifting her up into his arms, to which Elissa gave a slight shriek, making Alistair chuckle and head towards his tent._

* * *

"ALISTAIR!"

Alistair broke from his daydream and was startled by Leliana mounted on her horse directly in front of him.

"Sorry." Alistair grunted, his heart dropping.

"We can get there quicker if you would quit stalling and gallop faster!" Leliana bit back, turning as she did so and trotting off into the distance "C'mon!"

Alistair adjusted his grip on the reins, and took one last look at the stars "I'm coming Elissa." And ordered his horse into a gallop.


End file.
